No first date would be complete without the non-stop anticipation leading up to the first kiss. But what if you end up having a bad kiss on a first date? When the moment you've both been waiting for finally comes, it can feel like a bit of a disappointment if things don't end up going smoothly. This can lead some people to wonder if a bad first kiss is a sign that things might not bode so well for the relationship in the future.
Most of us grew up conditioned to expect certain things out of intimate partnerships. Through fairytales and the media, women in particular are constantly bombarded with the belief that love is a grand affair guaranteed to make all of our sorrows vanish into thin air. A huge part of this narrative rests on the idea that the first kiss in any meaningful relationship should result in explosive chemistry, fireworks, and the realization that you've met "the one." Elite Daily spoke with dating expert and relationship writer Demetrius Figueroa to get his take on what it might mean if a first kiss left something to be desired.
"In an ideal world, all of our first milestones when we start dating someone would go perfectly, but in the real world, you can have an awkward or bad first kiss with someone you end up with for the rest of your life, the same way that you can have an amazing first kiss with someone who you’ll never see again," Figueroa says.
Although it may be tempting to read deeply into a first date kiss, Figueroa explains that this isn't always the most telling thing to go off of, as nerves can oftentimes get in the way of someone performing their best. And let's be real, so much of what makes a kiss good is pretty subjective. "I think that having a bad kiss can be a red flag, but it isn’t always one. What makes for a good first kiss comes down to preferences, and few people ask, 'How do you like to be kissed?'" says Figueroa.
Meeting someone with whom you have instant chemistry can be really exciting. If you've spent a deeply satisfying evening with someone but were underwhelmed by the kiss, this is definitely something that can be worked on. It's nice to think that someone who is right for you would be effortlessly tuned in to how to take your breath away, but just like when in comes to the more intimate happenings in the bedroom, this isn't always the case. The most important thing is learning to communicate your preferences.
"Just be clear about how you like to be kissed the next go round. Less tongue, more tongue, no hair pulling, etc. All these things should be easy to talk about, if they want to keep kissing you [and] as long as you’re both willing to learn each other’s preferences," explains Figueroa. "The only real red flag will be after the first kiss, if they refuse to try to kiss better."
Chemistry is such an important part of any successful relationship, but what many people don't realize is that chemistry isn't always created from nothing. Sometimes, it can grow from a smaller seed of compatibility.
Ultimately, two red flags that should carry the most weight are a lack of effort on their part to build chemistry, and an ultimate lack of chemistry after you’ve tried to build some. A bad first kiss isn’t ideal, but it’s not the end of the world. But a bad first kiss, no effort to make kissing better, and no chemistry? That's a very big deal.
While you are well within your rights to chase after an instant spark, there is absolutely nothing wrong with building a relationship with someone who had to make adjustments. As long as you are both willing to put in the effort to satisfy each others needs and learn what their intimate preferences are, you may very well have to fixings for a pretty stellar partnership.
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