4 Reasons Not Kissing On The First Date Doesn't Mean There Wasn't Chemistry

by Alison Segel

For the past few first dates I've been on, the guys I was with have not kissed me. And frankly, it's made me a bit insecure. In TV shows and movies, the characters always seem to be making out the first time they meet. It's standard, like "Hello, let's kiss, we're in love now." But in reality, is kissing on the first date necessary? And does it mean anything if you don't? These are questions I ask my friends at brunch.

I think kissing comes on a case-by-case basis. My friend Zoe gets kissed on every date she goes on. I think it's because she puts out the flirty vibe of being down to smooch. She's affectionate and touchy feely on her first dates, while I act like every person I meet on Bumble is my third cousin. Yeah, that doesn't exactly give off a "you should try hooking up with me later" vibe.

But to be honest, I don't think that kissing makes or breaks a first date. There have been times where I've been kissed on a first date. Hell, I've even had sex and then never seen the guy again. Then, there have been times where I haven't kissed until date four or five, and it's turned into a full-fledged relationship.

While a great kiss can make for a great date, I don't think it can determine a relationship. So here are some reasons why someone might not kiss you on the first date, because it doesn't necessarily mean that you two don't have chemistry.

1. There Might've Been Too Much Pressure


There is nothing more awkward than when your date goes in for an awkward hug when walking you back to your car at the end of the night. Are they going to kiss me? Is their kiss on the cheek going to turn into a kiss on the mouth? Why is this hug going on for so long? Now, we're essentially just cuddling standing up?

The pressure of the after the date kiss can get in anyone's head, sometimes so much that you miss the mark or opt out of it entirely. It's not a reflection of how the date went or an indicator that you didn't have any chemistry in general, though. But when you feel like you have to do something, it can take some of the magic out of it. So your date might be waiting for a more opportune moment to share your first kiss.

2. They Could Be Waiting For Date Two

Not kissing you on the first date when you both feel intense chemistry is a great excuse to see each other again. It's like playing hard to get or leaving someone wanting more. It's basically make-out blue balls.

So if your chemistry is super intense, it's almost best not to kiss on date one. You'll surely be left on your crush's mind, and they'll rush at making plans to hang out again ASAP.

3. They Want To Take It Slow


Remember that Sex and the City episode where Carrie is freaking out because Aiden won't have sex with her on the third date, and Aiden is like, what ever happened to taking things slow? Well, there's something to be said for that. Some people like to actually get to know their date before swapping saliva with them.

Especially with modern dating, however sucky it can be, it's common to be going out with multiple people at the same time. You might get coffee with someone in the afternoon and dinner with an entirely different person at night. If you were kissing everyone you met up with, that would be a lot of kissing.

So if someone doesn't kiss you on your first hang out, it could be because they're waiting to see if there's an actual connection. There's nothing wrong with taking it slow. In fact, it's great that someone wants to get to know you on an intimate level before sticking their tongue in your mouth.

4. They Really Like You

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If someone really likes you, they might not want to kiss you on the first date. They could worry it might send the wrong impression or indicate that they're only after a physical relationship. Maybe they want to woo you a little first or wait for the right romantic moment. While kissing does indicate chemistry, not kissing can also be a sign that chivalry isn't dead.

So if you didn't get a kiss on the first date, then don't worry. I actually wouldn't read too much into it at all. There's no rule book when it comes to dating. As long as you felt chemistry, you had fun with your date, and you were respected by them, then your date was great. Book date number two, and see what happens.

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