Avoid Questions About Your Love Life This Thanksgiving By Asking Your Relatives These Questions Instead
The holidays may be the most wonderful time of the year, but as every television sitcom writer knows, they can also be the most uncomfortable. Thanksgiving is the one time each year when pretty much everyone in your extended family comes to town to chow down on turkey and ask you questions about your love life. There are plenty of useful techniques for both avoiding and answering these personal questions, but what if you could prevent your family members from even asking them in the first place?
Whether you're seeing someone or not, it can actually stay your business this November. You want to keep your strategy classy, though, so fight the urge to lob a spoonful of mashed potatoes at your Aunt Susan. Instead, try your hand at asking her these distracting questions. The goal is to keep her so busy talking about herself that she doesn't have time to interrogate you.
If you're on the offensive from the start, your relatives won't stand a chance. Keep this list handy, and before you know it, the dishes will be cleared — and so will you. Oh, how the (Thanksgiving) tables have turned.
On the lighter side
These questions pair perfectly with afternoon hors d'oeuvres.
1. "Did you see Get Out? I think it's a definite Oscar contender."
2. "What are your thoughts on Blake Shelton being People's Sexiest Man Alive?"
3. "Are you caught up on This Is Us?"
4. "Have you watched the Avocado Rat video yet?"
5. "Want me to help you set up your iPad?"
It's getting hot in here
These controversial questions will keep your relatives occupied while the turkey comes out of the oven.
6. "What was your first reaction to Trump's latest tweet?"
7. "Did someone say 'emails'?"
8. "Who did you vote for?"
9. "What are your thoughts on all of the sexual assault allegations in Hollywood?"
10. "Do you [have a boyfriend/think you've gained weight/realize that dress is inappropriate], Susan?"
Pass the salt
These questions will provoke reactions strong enough to eliminate any silence in between bites.
11. "Oh, you didn't know I'm a vegetarian?"
12. "Did you hear about [insert juicy piece of family gossip]? That's why they didn't come to Thanksgiving this year."
13. "Do you have any additions to this year's holiday newsletter?"
14. "Has [insert pregnant friend or relative] had her baby yet?"
15. "So, bitcoin: Is it really the next big thing?"
These questions will help you wrap up the meal on a sweet(er) note.
16. "If you could share Thanksgiving dinner with any one person in history, living or dead, who would it be?"
17. "How much would you have paid for that da Vinci painting?"
18. "Did you know it's actually pronounced 'iPhone ten'?"
19. "What's your favorite song on Taylor Swift's new album? Oh, you haven't heard it? Let's listen to the whole thing right now!"
20. "What are you actually thankful for?"
Oh, me? I'm thankful that this meal is now over. See you next year, Aunt Susan!
Turn the questions on your family members this Thanksgiving, and watch everyone else feel awkward for a change. It's all in good fun, but use your discretion (and bring up politics at your own risk). If all else fails, pull out your phone and let Susan go off about how Millennials can't live without technology.
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