After Becoming Instagram Official, Watch Out For These 4 Red Flags
While you and your boo are racking up the likes URL, you probably still want to make sure everything is going smoothly IRL. If you and your partner have recently gone public with your relationship or you've been dating for a while but just posted your first pic, it's natural to wonder how to spot any potential red flags after becoming Instagram official. Posting about your blossoming love on social media can be a super exciting step in your relationship, and knowing what to look out for can help keep everyone on the same page.
"IG serves as a public announcement to the world that you're a couple. Therefore, it's a big deal and should be approached with care," NYC relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. "Expect commentary from 'Congratulations!' to 'Didn't know you broke up with Josh.' Most of the commentary will be positive but some could be negative."
Social media can be a great way to show your friends and family how happy you are with your boo. Still, knowing some healthy boundaries about social media in your relationship can be really important.
Here are four things you may want to lookout for after becoming Instagram official.
1. You Can't Talk IRL About The 'Gram
Although it may feel funny to talk about Instagram in person, according to Winter, not having a mutual understanding about the platform with your partner can be a potential source of conflict. "Are you both of the same mind? Is your decision mutual? If not, you'll be in the middle of a mess that can damage your future with this person," Winter says.
If your partner is a private person or they have to have a minimal presence on the web for their job, they may not be super comfortable with you posting about them on social media. Being able to talk openly with them before you post a cute picture can be an important practice in your relationship. If you're finding your boo isn't super open to talking about social media or you feel uncomfortable asking them about Instagram, it may be time for a general check in.
2. You Feel Like They're Hiding You
If your boo isn't into social media, they may be totally psyched about you and your relationship and feel no need to post about it. Additionally, if you're in a queer relationship, it may not feel safe or nourishing to be public about your love. A healthy relationship doesn't mean that you and your boo need to post the exact same amount about each other or even post about each other at all. However, if you're feeling like your boo is intentionally keeping you off their feed, it may be time for a check in.
"Some people keep people more private. However, it is a conversation to have," life coach Nina Rubin tells Elite Daily. "If you’re introducing your partner and posting but they haven’t told anyone about you, this is a lopsided relationship that you may want to rethink."
Although it's totally natural to be private or on the shyer side, if you partner posting about you would mean a lot to you, it's always OK to ask them about it. As Lizzo says, "I mean who would wanna hide this?" If you get the feeling that your boo is not giving you the attention you deserve, it's always OK to date someone who does. You deserve to be with someone who is excited to be with you and who wants the world to know.
3. You Feel Pressure To Look Put Together All The Time
Although social media can be a beautiful form of self expression, it can also bring on some pressure to perform. According to Rubin, if being Instagram official makes you or your partner feel pressure to always need to be ready for the 'Gram, it could be time for a check in.
"There can be pressure to curate pictures for Instagram that may not be truthful representations of the relationship," Rubin says. "It can make one person feel overly exposed if they’re not as keen on Instagram as the posting member of the relationship."
Life happens. Sometimes you're on a romantic trip, looking sun-kissed in a hut in Bali and sometimes, it's flu season and you're taking care of your partner as they puke in their bed while wearing old yoga pants. If you're ever feeling pressure to post the perfect picture or sugarcoat your relationship for the 'Gram, it may be time for an IRL chat.
4. Their Ex Follows Or Messages You
If you and your partner are excited about each other and ready to share your love on social media, a lingering ex can be a total buzzkill. And if your partner's ex follows or messages you after you and your partner become IG offish, it may be time to talk.
"Unless you're all in the same social group, there's no reason for an ex to reach out," Winter says. "Anything they need to say can be done in private, not public. If your partner's ex follows you, they're way too invested in your day-to-day life. You're probably not friends, and may not know each other. So, their following you is intrusive and suspect. What's the motive— other than curiosity and a lingering affection?"
In the playground that is the Philadelphia queer community (my life), it's impossible not to know someone's ex. Of course, no matter who or where you are, you may be friends with your boo's ex and may already follow them online. However, if you don't know your partner's ex or you boo and their ex had a gnarly breakup, your boo's ex following or messaging you on IG may make you uncomfortable. Your Insta is yours. You get to choose who sees your posts and how you want to share your happiness. If a lingering ex is killing your vibe, it's always OK to block them or talk to your boo about it.
No one knows your relationship better than you and your partner. If you have an understanding about how or when you post or who you've told about your relationship, you get to do what feels right for you. Still, if you're feeling like your boo is hiding you or their ex is sending you some unwanted messages, it's always OK to check in about your feelings. You deserve bomb lighting and support in all your relationships — IRL and on the 'Gram.