So, you've been together with your partner for a while and you feel like this might be the real deal — you've finally found someone who really gets you. Someone who knows what matters to you and who you are. Or so you think. How can you if they really do know you? Well, here's a wild and crazy idea: Ask! If you don't know how to get started, there are plenty of light and fun questions to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend, like what color are my eyes? What's my favorite pizza topping? Or my favorite guilty pleasure TV show? These are all things they should probably know the answer to (especially the pizza one), and they make for good warm up questions.
But if you want to know if he actually knows you, then you’re going to have to dig a bit deeper and ask some real questions. Questions with answers that will tell you that not only are they paying attention when you share things, but that they're engaged enough to be making the correct observations about you all on their own. In other words, do they get you and are they even trying to? These questions can also help you find areas where you may not be communicating as well as you could be, and show you ways you can get even closer.
1. What Makes Me Happiest?
Is it quietly reading a book? Spending time with your friends? Hitting the club and dancing until 2 a.m.? If your partner cares about you, they are invested in your happiness, too, and part of that is just observing and recognizing when you are really feeling great and like your best you.
2. What’s My Biggest Pet Peeve?
What drives you absolutely nuts? For me, it’s people eating loudly or with their mouth open. That is the guaranteed way to make me go from sane to murderous in about 30 seconds. Knowing what that “thing” is for you shows that not only do they value their own life, but they are concerned about your feelings as well.
3. What Am I Proud Of?
What are things you’ve accomplished or challenges you’ve overcome that you feel pride about? If you plan on being together, your partner should probably have an inkling about what fulfills you.
4. What Am I Ashamed Of?
Have you opened up to your partner about something difficult that you don’t share with just anyone? If so, were they paying attention? Or maybe they picked up on it on their own? Either way, it’s a sign that your partner is tuned in if they notice where you struggle as well as where you succeed.
5. What Do I Value Most?
Does your partner know what matters to you? Like, really, really matters? This question is great because it’s fairly open-ended. Pay attention to whether or not their answer points to specific examples of things that matter to you, or if it’s just sweeping generalizations.
6. What Are My Spiritual Beliefs?
Do you believe in an afterlife? Or are you adamant there isn’t one? Maybe you don’t know and are still working through all of that. Many people consider their religious beliefs to be a defining characteristic. If that’s you, you probably need to know if they are aware of and on the same page with you when it comes to your beliefs about a higher power (or lack thereof).
7. What Are My Plans For The Future?
Everyone has dreams, but is bae paying attention to yours? Also, can they envision themselves in it? If you think this relationship may go the distance, it’s essential that everyone knows what you’d like that future to look like, and if they’re taking interest in your life plans, that’s a good sign they are up for being a part of it.
8. What Turns Me On?
Sexually? Well, yeah, duh. But also, what are the things you really care about? Things that make you engage? Is it political action? Philosophical debate? Hitting the gym? Whether or not your partner can recognize what matters most to you will let you know if he really gets you at all.
9. What Gets Me Off?
Hey, this one is very important. If you want to be in a happy, healthy relationship, the heart is the only organ they need to know how to please.
There you have it. If your partner can answer most or all of these questions, they really do get you. If not, then you have a better idea of where to work on your communication — or if they aren’t paying attention all. If it’s the latter, then do yourself a favor and find someone who does want to.
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