With all of the obnoxious, sleazy, or just plain annoying behaviors men exhibit on Tinder, it's easy to forget that women aren't always perfect angels.
I asked guys to be honest with me about their biggest frustrations and most deeply-held pet peeves when it comes to girls' messages on dating apps. It's been a super eye-opening day for me, to say the least... especially because I'm guilty of a couple of the behaviors below.
And even though it can be tough to take a critical look at your own habits, it's on all of us to make dating culture happier and healthier for everyone. Plus, the better conversational partner you become, the more likely you are to find what you're looking for on dating apps. (I don't know anyone who really wants to be stuck in dozens of unsatisfying convos.)
It's time for a little tough love, courtesy of the eight guys below who just want dating apps to be a better place for everyone.
Dropping off in the middle of a conversation.
When a girl starts a convo, I reply, and get no response. It feels like I’m left standing there. Like my date went to the bathroom and never came back.
— Joe, 24
Being rude about someone's height.
One of my pet peeves is when girls ask for my height. And if they don’t like my answer, they un-match or ghost.
— Christopher, 24
A lack of enthusiasm.
I would say that there's a lot of pressure to lead the conversation in my interactions with women on dating apps. It can be a bit overwhelming to feel you have to shoulder the weight of the conversation. Although many people are very open after the conversation is started, it can be quite disheartening to start a conversation only to be given a cold shoulder.
— Dylan, 20
The only real pet peeve I have is a complete lack of a response after we match. Obviously, something about my profile or photo made you swipe right, even if it was alcohol-induced, so the silence is deafening. Having said that, I know that women typically have more matches than men do. I imagine it can be overwhelming to them, so its hard to be too upset. More and more, I guess, my issues are less with the women and more with dating app culture in general.
— Wes, 27
Just saying "hi" — or an unwillingness to open up.
'Hey,' 'hi,' 'hello,' or any other permutation of an absolutely nothing opening statement. Made especially worse by Bumble. It doesn't take much to ask something about the person, does it?
Also, when someone acts really coy about why we're both there. Look, it's a dating app, we both made at least a mild statement via swiping we're interested in each other. Don't make it weird that I want to meet for a date or ask about your personal life. I know we haven't met, but I'd at least like to know something a little more intimate than your occupation so you'd seem like more than just disembodied text.
— Dan, 30
Mentioning in your bio that you want someone to say more than just "hi."
I like to just say hi and ask how someone is doing or whatever, but sometimes people want you to have super clever pickup lines… And even if it’s not serious, I can’t bring myself to sound like ‘that guy.’
— Brent, 27
Bots!!! There are tons of fakes. In fact, there are more fake profiles than legit ones in my experience. Normally, they send links to a web chat or external page to get more personal. They ask for nudes or credit card info, one or the other.
— Matt, 26
Don't use dating apps unless you're actually looking for sex or love.
I occasionally encounters profiles with explicit descriptions like 'I’m a journalist researching a story' or 'I’m looking for models.'
I won’t blanket-condemn them all, but you have to be really cognizant of what you’re doing. Using a service for something other than it’s explicitly intended purpose can be a really fine line to walk between hurtful and clever. Don't forget that these profiles are real people with real feelings.
Don’t make a Tinder just to promote your band’s show. Don’t take advantage of people’s time. If you’re honest in the profile or opening message, it’s a bit better, but people are rarely mindful of the work or energy that they cost others.
— Ben, 28
That last one hit me in the feels because he sums up the main problem here so succinctly. People are rarely mindful of the work or energy that they cost others.
I get it — it's easy to feel drained when you're responding to yet another barely-indistinguishable message on a dating app. But if you're feeling burnt out, the answer is to politely bid your matches goodbye and log off until you're excited about dating again. Because your rude behavior is burning out other people, too.
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