8 Women Talk About The Most Boring Sex They've Ever Had, Because We've All Been There
Just about everyone has probably experienced the pitfalls of boring sex. Few things are worse than being stuck in bed with someone who promised they were going to "rock your world," only to end up being rocked right to sleep. Sometimes no matter how hard you or your partner try, the spark just won't turn into a fire. If you've ever had an unforgettably snooze-worthy romp, then hearing women talk about the most boring sex they've ever had will likely send a familiar shiver down your spine.
Unfortunately, boring sex can happen in relationships as well as with casual hookups — and in the latter, it often strikes without warning. One minute you're wrapped up in all their funny jokes and quick wit, totally smitten, thinking that maybe, just maybe, they're about to give you a night to remember. All of the anticipation of texting for days has been building up, and if the seduction was a drawn-out affair, maybe you've spent hours fantasizing about how amazing you thought sex with them might be. And just when you finally made it to the pot of gold, the end of the tunnel, the ~climax~, if you will... there was no climax at all and the sex was disappointing. Subpar, at best. It's annoying, it's sad, but you're not alone. Here are eight women of Reddit (and eight very relatable Rihanna GIFs) who totally feel your pain.
1. Sometimes they just do the bare minimum.
Whenever my boyfriend performs duty sex. His libido is like nonexistent these days, but even before it got this bad, I'd sometimes talk to I'm about how we hadn't had sex in like six weeks, and inevitably, the next day (not right away because that would be too obvious), he'd go through the motions for me. I could tell he wasn't into it, even though he'd insist he was - that in order to get hard, he'd have to want it. But it would be like the bare minimum - sometime he'd just lie there and let me do the work to get off and I'd feel gross afterward. So I just stopped.
2. Sometimes it's just too PG.
Vanilla "we're both bored" sex when neither of us were in headspace. It was mechanical and frankly a little disturbing. He asked if I was even having fun, I said no and he said he wasn't either. We agreed to stop, and I've never tried vanilla sex or sex outside of active arousal again.
3. Sometimes they can't 'walk the talk.'
A couple years ago, I had reconnected with a guy I knew on tinder. He was taking the bar exam, so we waited after that to get intimate. So he had really talked himself up while sexting and I was really attracted to him so I was very excited. He lasted two minutes (if that)... I thought maybe it was a fluke and gave him a few more chances. It wasn’t a fluke.
4. Sometimes they're preoccupied with their errands.
He started telling me about what he was going to do the next day. Like go to the post office on the way to fill petrol in the car. While he was on top of me. I was like....am I that boring to you? The last thing before entering the bedroom was me saying "well why don't you use my inner thighs to warm your ears". Then he tells me about his postcards??
5. Sometimes they just act like whining babies.
The guy would pretty much just lie there, expected me to do all the work and never made any attempt to do anything I liked, then complained that the sex wasn't fun. Also complained that I didn't try to have sex with him often enough while we were dating. That relationship ended fairly quickly.
6. Sometimes you're left speechless.
A while back I slept with a dude that I was dating for the first time and holy god, he was terrible. From nearly the beginning I wanted it to end, but I’m a goddamn trooper and I don’t like to leave jobs unfinished. When we got to my place, he began kissing me in a weird, frantic way that was between just-got-back-from-war and puppy-licking-peanut-butter. No creciendo whatsoever; it was like he was trying to be passionate but it felt extremely artificial.
I can’t remember quite how undressing went, but I do remember I was wearing this big flowy top that he just kinda...left on. I kept it on to see if he would ever take it off. Nope. I was partially dressed this entire encounter.
The worst though was, despite no positive verbal or physical encouragement from me, was when he decided I was orgasming. As I lay beneath him, resigned to this terrible sex, he started yelling “OH MY GOD, YOU’RE COMING. I CAN FEEL YOU COMING”, which was news to me, but at least someone could feel it.
7. Sometimes they've got some less than stellar habits.
Guy had just come out of a ten year marriage. His idea of missionary was to basically hook an arm around my neck, lay his full body weight on me, and hump. Silently. That was his only move. I see him around on Reddit now, and really hope for his new wife's sake he's learned some new moves.
8. Sometimes 'lovemaking' just ain't gonna cut it.
Dated a guy for all of college and most of grad school. His idea of sex was basically the slow lovemaking thing. In and out, super slow, while stroking my leg and staring in my eyes. He never wanted to try anything other than slow missionary, and if I got on top he would lay back and say “do whatever you want.” He would literally not touch me if I was on top. Grabbed at nothing, not even holding my hand or something. He had this notion that women were delicate flowers, so he would pause after sticking in, wait like 10 seconds for me to “adjust” and then start moving sloooooooowly.
Most boring six years of my sex life.
You are not alone, y'all. Boring sexual encounters happen, and that's normal! Fortunately, you don't have to put up with it if you don't want to. Your pleasure is important, so if your date/partner/hookup can't hang, refuses to work on pleasuring you, and is only focused on themselves, don't feel bad about nexting them ASAP.