8 Funny Tinder Openers That Are Totally Guaranteed To Get You A Reply

I'd like to state a theory: Tinder is the new Bumble. Or, Tinder is the new place to meet a cutie. I know, I know. I can feel all of you dating app elites eye-rolling me. Tinder has long been deemed the app for night hookups and free pizza, not for meaningful relationships. I hear you; the ratio of lascivious messages to genuinely funny Tinder openers sent is probably one to one.

To be clear, if you're just looking for that late night pizza, a hookup, or combination of the two, get after it (safely). However, if you are looking for something more legitimate, hear me out before turning your back on Tinder. My theory is borrowed from a friend who put it this way: Picture a newly single person. They were with their ex since college, and they've never so much as swiped right before. What's the first app they download? Tinder. It's the "Kleenex" of dating apps.

True, these newly single cuties could just be looking to get it in after years of monogamy, or they could be looking for a genuinely hilarious message to inspire them to get back out there and go on a date. This is where you, amazing and witty single person, come in. Think of yourself as the ambassador of Tinder. Welcome those newcomers to the strange land of swiping with one of these eight Tinder openers, because dating doesn't have to be boring:

1. Is Your Name Google?

"...because you're everything I've been searching for." OK, so I am admittedly way too keen on using cheesy pick up lines on Tinder. If someone said this to anyone else in person ever, the world would have a collective cringe. But somehow, dumb pick up lines seem less lazy and more adorable when sent over the internet.

2. If I Were A Breakfast Food, What Would I Be?

"Please provide two to three sentences explaining your choice." From responses like "sweet like pancakes" to "an egg sandwich, because you seem multi-layered," you can learn a lot about your match's sense of humor by making this bizarre ask. Plus, everyone likes talking about breakfast food, right?

3. Hi There, Would You Call Yourself More Of An "Old Kanye" Or A "New Kanye"?

For starters, it's best to use this one on matches who seem like they might actually like Kanye at all — i.e. they probably have a couple moody photos on display. If you match requires further clarification after you posit this question, they don't get it, and that's OK. You can talk about whatever music they do like.

4. Would You Rather Pee Yourself Publicly Once A Week Or Sh*t Yourself In Private Daily?

This is a bold move, but I believe in you. Assuming you're speaking with a match who understands that all humans use the bathroom, poll away. It's 2017.

5. Have You Ever Watched Tentacle Porn?

"And did you just Google it?" I borrowed this from a friend's stand up routine. People really squirm at the mention of tentacle porn (pun definitely intended). I'm honestly still uncertain as to what tentacle porn actually is, but it remains a great conversation starter and way to tarnish your internet browser history.

6. How Would You Define "Emergency Bacon" ?

Before I read the Urban Dictionary definition, I might've guessed that emergency bacon is what happens when there's a fire alarm going off at the diner you are eating at, but you don't evacuate without snagging that last piece of bacon and taking it with you. You should get some fun replies to this one.

7. Hey There, Are You An Iced Coffee? Because You're Cool And I'm Getting Thirsty.

Or, "Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest." Or any other iteration in which you compare your match to an inanimate object. I told you, I love dumb lines. These work like a charm, as long as you keep it complimentary.

8. OMG, Does This Mean We're Dating?

Hopefully your match will speak sarcasm. If not, good riddance. This is particularly fun if you match up with one of those new-to-Tinder gems my theory is based on. I like this because it says "I definitely don't take myself very seriously."

Let's be real here: Many of these are cheesy, weird, and even a little bit rude. But I like them because they aren't very serious. Tinder is a place for swiping strangers' faces and maybe going on a date with them. It's not a place to anticipate heartbreak or take things too seriously.

All of these lines say "I'm here to have fun and meet funny people and say something better than 'how are you?'" Dating can be stressful, so do yourself a favor and make it enjoyable by throwing these whacky lines on the table. Think of them as mini litmus tests: The right match will get the right line.

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