8 Best Vibrators To Buy Yourself For The 8 Nights Of Hanukkah

By
Share
Ad failed to load

Hanukkah is right around the corner. This year, it starts on Tuesday, Dec. 12, and runs through Wednesday, Dec. 20. In the rush to buy thoughtful presents for your loved ones, stock up on gelt, and work up the courage to make latkes without splattering yourself in hot oil (you just finished recovering from last year's burns!), you shouldn't forget to treat yourself, too. Consider the best vibrators to buy — one for each night of Hanukkah.

Let's be real, your family will probably buy you a practical but boring pair of winter boots, and your roommate will get you a Naked palette from Urban Decay, so you'll finally stop stealing hers. Those gifts are great, don't get me wrong. But the treats you buy yourself are always better, right?

Bear with me here for a sec. Growing up, I went to a pretty lax Hebrew school. I learned the Hebrew alphabet and the basics of the Torah, but beyond that, most of the instruction was focused on making crafts themed around each of the Jewish holidays — like a paper mâché piece of matzoh for Passover and a crayon drawing of Queen Esther on Purim. My religious education was basically Pinterest for Jewish kids.

Ad failed to load

So consider this guide below a Hanukkah-themed craft straight out of my Religious Studies teacher's worst nightmare. You're welcome.

Night 1: Gelt Yourself Off

Ad failed to load

Unless you're super rich, you're probably not able to swing a $3,900, 18-karat, gold-plated vibrator. Until that day comes, tide yourself over with this bullet vibe featuring a gold-colored handle. It's way sweeter than the gold-covered chocolate you unwrapped after dinner.

Night 2: Spin Your Own Dreidel

Ad failed to load

The toy creates a suction seal around your clit and vibrates on 11 settings to mimic the sensation of oral sex. Plus, it's rose gold, so it's, like, chic.

Night 3: Shamash Yourself

Ad failed to load

This Fifty Shades Darker-inspired toy has a curved shaft and an enlarged tip for your G-spot. Since it's from a store called Adam & Eve, you can basically say it's Torah-approved.

Night 4: Oh, Oh, Oy Vey

Ad failed to load

Back in Hebrew school, you learned about the Hanukkah miracle — that a small amount of oil for the Temple of Jerusalem's menorah was able to burn for eight days. Let's call this super high-rated vibe your very own modern Hanukkah miracle.

Night 5: Maccabe-at Off

Ad failed to load

This toy thrusts in and out as it vibrates, thus totally eliminating the need for any other actual humans in your life ever again. Just put a human-sized body pillow on your Hanukkah wishlist along with this baby, and you'll be solid.

Night 6: Gimel It All Your Loving

Ad failed to load

Budget-friendly, waterproof, powerful — what more could you ask for? Mazel tov on all the orgasms you'll be having with this thing soon.

Night 7: For A Latke Of Fun

Ad failed to load

Much like a steaming platter of latkes, the Rabbit is a beloved, time-honored symbol of joy. You don't mess with the classics. (If this looks familiar, it's because it's the vibrator that Charlotte got addicted to on Sex and the City. She converted to Judaism by the end of the series, which means the Rabbit already has the stamp of approval from one very posh member of the tribe.)

Night 8: The Moan-orah's Lit

Ad failed to load

Just saying, if you line up nine of these in a row, it'd basically look like a menorah.

Happy Hanukkah, friends... and enjoy your own private celebrations.

Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

Ad failed to load

Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!

Ad failed to load

Must Reads

5 Trends From The '90s Are Making A Serious Comeback, So Somebody Page Cher Horowitz

I was born in the '90s and my childhood was one Caboodles train case packed with scrunchies and butterfly clips after another. If you could believe it, early '90s fashion is already considered vintage (I officially feel old AF) and according to sprin…
By Stephanie Montes

This New Snapchat Feature Is Going To Make Your Stories Look Even Better

Giphy is officially taking over social media, and I'm not upset about it. After invading Instagram stories with funny animated stickers, the company partnered with Snapchat — and now, we're finally able to fill our Snaps with hilarious GIFs. In other…
By Amanda Fama

Your Weekly Horoscope Is Here & Luckily, It's All Good Things

Pat yourself on the back because you survived not only one but two major eclipses. The last few weeks have been one obstacle after another but you made it. You dealt with the pain, held it together, and prevailed. Now, your February 19, 2018 weekly h…
By Roya Backlund

6 Subtle Red Flags That Could Mean You’re Sleeping Way Too Much

Have you ever woken up after an unusually long night of sleep and felt, well, kind of awful? Whether you roll out of bed feeling super dehydrated, nursing a throbbing a headache, or you simply feel stiff as a board, there are reasons why your body mi…
By Annakeara Stinson

These 6 Workouts Can Be Done Right On Your Couch, & Yes, They Do Count As Exercise

Ever have that feeling when you're watching the Olympics like you should be working out, or at least stretching, but in reality you're just laying around eating chips? Yeah, me neither. But if you do ever feel that pull to work out when you're just l…
By Annakeara Stinson

10 Things You Should Say To Your Partner Every Day To Keep The Love Alive

When it coms to love, falling into it is a lot easier than maintaining it. There’s a reason, after all, that it's called "falling" in love, because it's mostly out of your control — the heart just takes over. Because those emotions come so easily and…
By Rachel Shatto

Science Says These 8 Foods Can Help You Live Longer, So Eat Up

If you're looking to live forever, or at least for an appropriately long amount of time, then the best way to get started on your journey toward immortality is to think about what you're putting into your body for fuel. Think of your diet as the batt…
By Caroline Burke

I Live In London & When Guys Find Out I'm American, They Only See Me As A Fling

I first entered the world of dating apps during a semester abroad in London, and I had zero idea what I was getting myself into. I was 21, had only ever dated boys I'd met through work, school, or mutual friends, and my appreciation for romantic come…
By Genevieve Wheeler

Here's Exactly How You'll Fall In Love, Based On Your Astrological Sign

One of my favorite things about learning about my zodiac sign and others' is learning patterns about my behavior that I can acknowledge and use to my advantage. As a Scorpio sun sign, I know I'm typically described as mysterious, drawn to loyal peopl…
By Elana Rubin

These 8 Red Flags Might Mean You're Pushing Yourself Too Hard In Your Workouts

If you live by the motto "no pain, no gain," or you frequently exclaim that your HIIT circuits "hurt so good," you're probably the type of person who challenges yourself to the max during your workouts. And while this isn't necessarily a bad thing, i…
By Georgina Berbari

I Tried Vegan "Spacepaste" & It Looks Like Straight-Up LED Lights On Your Face

As you might have noticed, 2018 is the year for glitter. So many brands have been releasing shining, shimmering formulations like they're going out of style. We're not even halfway through February, and Lemonhead LA has already launched the best glit…
By Kim Carpluk

These "Awkward" Proposal Stories Show There's No One Perfect Way To Get Engaged

There are a few adjectives people use to describe proposal stories that tend to be a bit more common than the rest. You know what I mean. How many times have you heard someone describe their marriage proposal as "magical" or "romantic" or — my person…
By Candice Jalili

This $20 Toy Simulates Pimple Popping, So You Can Save Your Face (But Still Lose Your Dignity)

As a self-proclaimed popaholic, I am not ashamed to admit that I love watching pimple popping and blackhead extraction videos. Call me gross, but I find it immensely therapeutic and satisfying. To all of my fellow weirdos, we’ve been blessed with a n…
By Ariana Marsh

Everyone Is So Thirsty Over This “Photo” Of Obama With Facial Hair

It's been a hot minute since President Barack Obama left the Oval office (though it feels like ages), and a lot of us miss him dearly. After leaving the White House, the 44th president remained out of the public eye for a little while, decompressing …
By Daniella Bondar

Meghan Markle Uses This $13 Natural Wonder To Grow Her Eyebrows Back & You Can Too

Meghan Markle is the world's new go-to celebrity for all things fashion and beauty — she's marrying a prince after all, so she must have some tricks up her sleeve. Meghan Markle's beauty routine is just as intricate as mine, because that's how real s…
By Alison Turka

7 Foolproof Things To Do Every Day If You're Tired Of Being Lazy AF

Being lazy can be oh-so-lovely. Until you start letting life pass you by, and not living to your full potential, then suddenly, it's not so good anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my weekends when I can stay snuggled up in bed just a bit longer. Hit…
By Marisa Casciano

This Is How Long Most People Wait To Say "I Love You," Science Says

If I had to choose one word to describe saying "I love you" to your partner for the first time, I'd have to go with... hmm, exciting? Nope. Thrilling? Hardly. Terrifying? YES. Exactly. Saying "I love you" for the first time is terrifying. What makes …
By Candice Jalili

6 Reasons To Travel Abroad With Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend In Your 20s

Traveling can be many things: hectic, expensive, and definitely stressful. But with the right people or person beside you, all those troubles kind of just melt away. That's why there are some solid reasons to travel abroad with your boyfriend or girl…
By Alani Vargas