7 Wise Pieces Of Advice About Marriage, From Older Sisters That Love You Unconditionally
When you were growing up, your big sister may have never let you borrow her clothes or always hogged the house phone. And yet, through the years, you've managed to become something even closer than friends — almost like sisters. If you're newly married or if you're thinking about walking down the aisle someday soon, you may be in the market for some wise pieces of advice about marriage. And when it comes to advice on love, who better to ask than your big sister, the person who has been through it all and still loves you the most.
Of course, family means something different to everyone. And if you're closer to your friends or community members than the people you're literally related to — all that matters is that you feel loved and supported in every aspect of your life. If you don't have a big sis or aren't super close with your actual siblings, hearing from *other* people's big sisters can be totally helpful, especially when it comes to hearing some sage advice about life after tying the knot.
I asked seven big sisters for their wisest advice about marriage, and what they said is beautiful, resonate, and totally real.
1. You Grow Together
When things get rough that doesn't mean that it's over. It means that your relationship is shifting, and you need to learn how to grow with each other. Of course, this does not apply to things like abuse or neglect. If it gets that kind of rough you need to just get the f*ck out.
— Milly, 35
2. It's Sometimes Boring
That marriage isn't just long term dating. It's not a life of going on dates or going on trips. Marriage is a collection of boring things and everyday stuff like going to the grocery store or the post office. It's important to marry someone you can be boring with, unglamorous with, not special with.
— Jenn, 36
3. Don't Keep Score
I feel like there's a lot of rhetoric that's like, I'm always the one planning trips, I'm always the one that starts conversations. Maybe that's OK. Maybe that's what you bring to your relationship, you're the planner or the talker or the peacemaker. I'm sure there's tons of stuff that your spouse brings as well. Your love doesn't need to be contributing the same things it just needs to be that you're both contributing.
— Liza, 30
4. Feel Your Feelings
OK, it's literally not possible to "never go to bed angry," like, sometimes you're going to be angry. Don't suppress your feelings don't hide what you're thinking. If you're angry it's OK to be angry. But having a little signal, like touching toes when you lie down to bed or making coffee in the morning first, can be a great way to show you still care even when you're pissed.
— Alesin, 31
5. Go With The Flow
Remember that life is long and happens in waves. You'll have storms and you'll have sun. It's cyclical. It passes. You've been through this before and you'll get through it again.
— Revi, 31
6. Be Kind
When you've both had terrible days is when you need each other the most. Be kind. Be extra kind. Order in, drink wine, take a long shower together, and curl up on the couch to watch something you both like. There will be times you both need each other and you both have nothing left to give. That's when you need to be kind the most.
— Sara, 29
7. Embrace Change
You are going to change and your spouse is going to change. Like, your body will literally change, your job may change, you may move. Let yourself change and let your spouse change.
— Kimya, 32
Big sisters give some pretty solid advice. Whether you're newly married or have been been spoused up for a while, hearing marriage advice from people a little older and a little wiser can be super heartwarming and helpful, even if it kills you to admit that your big sister was totally right.