Outside of an extremely unnecessarily dramatic split from my boyfriend in the seventh grade, I have never gone through an "official" breakup. But, of course, that doesn't mean I've never gone through a breakup. In fact, I've had my fair share of
"unofficial" breakup stories that were each painful in their own unique way.
For those of you who are unclear on what the eff an unofficial breakup even is, allow me to explain: An unofficial breakup takes place when things end between you and someone you were seeing but not officially dating — as in, you probably didn't use labels like "boyfriend," "girlfriend," or "partner," and you might not have even called it a "relationship." These situations can blow because while the relationship might not have been legit, your feelings certainly are and were. When the connection fizzles out, you might feel silly for mourning the loss of someone who was never really technically yours. You might try to find movies, books, or TV shows that capture the distinct kind of pain you're feeling and wind up falling short.
Well, if you're going through this currently, I come bearing a small shred of hope: You're not alone. In fact, plenty of people have been in your shoes. So much so that there are multiple Reddit threads discussing
how to get over non-relationships. And we have some of their most relatable responses here for you.
The Pain Felt The Same As Breaking Off "Official" Relationships
I have been there! It does hurt, OP. He strung me along for about a year because he had this "I may move or not" excuse every time I tried to ask him to be official with me. If you are hurt by this person because they want to stay casual, you CANNOT continue the relationship. You two want different things. Distance yourself from her. Personally, the pain felt the same as any previous breakup in an "official" relationship I've had. Treat it the same as a breakup. You need to go no contact (my "ex" did eventually move, so that helped a lot) and focus on the activities you enjoy while being around your friends and family.
He Couldn't Move On Until She Found Out She Had
It took finding out that she was seeing someone else for me to get back on the horse.
They Copy By Either Traveling Or Wallowing
My best way to get over anyone is to travel. I had a particularly tough time getting over a nasty ending non-relationship so I went away for 6 weeks to South Asia. The blend of being somewhere new with no responsibility and cutting myself off from that person helped a lot. Plus, vacation! This isn't practical all the time though. So my back up is to wallow for 2-3 days and let myself FEEL upset, sad or cry it all out. Then I throw myself into work and spending time with my friends. Avoid the person and don't try to be friends with them right away. Just avoid and cut contact in every social media form. Go out, do things, pick a hobby (mine is baking) busy your mind and eventually it gets better :)
/u/toastytoes18 kittirat roekburi/Shutterstock
She Still Wonders What Would Have Happened If They Really Dated
Yes. I met a guy in highschool who I became 'insta-best-friends' with. He was smart, charming, funny, and had the sweetest smile. Whenever we had class together, it was as if we could pick up right where we left off, even if several months had past. I always felt like there might have been there, but that he was too shy to tell me. something Despite all the awesomeness I saw in him, people were constantly telling me rumours about him. Things that he had supposedly said or done that, if true, would have excluded him from my potential dating pool. So I chose not to 'test the waters' so to speak. At the time, I felt like if I wasn't willing to see what was behind the door than I shouldn't open it. So I didn't, and I regret it. Like someone else commented, I regret not having answers. Not knowing what could have happened. There are a lot of questions I will probably never have answers to, and that's something I'm going to have to deal with. Time helps, but I still think about him once in a while. If there's a way to move on quicker, I haven't found it. I guess the only take-home advice from this story is to get answers, even if you're not sure you want them.
It Made Them Lose Hope For The Future
I think in my case it was the first time anyone desired me like that? I think. That is what i think i rationalized about it. The loss of a positive feeling. Part of it was betrayal too, but that's only if you really want hear about it. I don't know if I'm over it. I feel like having loved and lost, I have a lot less hope for a good relationship to ever happen.
He Channeled His Feelings Into A New Hobby
Turn that pain into something useful. Last time this happened to me I started doing stand-up comedy. Painful experiences and comedy go together like spaghetti and meatballs.
The Way She Ended It Helped Him Get Over It
I had a fling with a girl I liked and she was good sh*t. She wanted to take trips and camping which I'm all for but I have a very strict work schedule. People had to plan vacations about 3 months in advance to get the allowed time off. She just wanted to take off at the drop of a hat because her work was very flexible. One day, she ghosted me. It stung but I wasn't that upset about it since it was sh*tty thing for her to do. Meh.
The only takeaway here? You're not alone. This is a terrible situation but the pain you feel is totally valid and there are plenty of other people who have also felt it.
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