Everyone's been there: You have the hangover of the century, and you would do anything to get rid of that splitting headache, nauseous stomach, and those awful shakes. Hangovers are the absolute worst thing to happen on a Sunday morning, like the ultimate version of the Sunday scaries, except they start at 7 a.m. sharp and ruin your whole day from there. When a Saturday night out leaves you feeling brutal the next day, it can be especially easy to fall for those ridiculous hangover remedy myths, in the tiny hope that they just might work.
Here's the sad, simple truth: If you drink too much, pretty much nothing is going save you. The best thing you can do for a hangover is get a little bit of exercise (surprisingly enough, it helps if you move around) and take an ibuprofen to help you endure the worst of the misery.
The best cure for a hangover, unfortunately, is time. But that doesn't mean that people don't still try to come up with countless hacks and strategies to cheat their way out of that Saturday night bender in any way possible. With New Year's Eve coming up, it might be a good idea to revisit all of the hangover remedy myths you've tried over the years. Here are seven of them that are just plain false.
1The Hair Of The Dog
Yeah, solve the terrible symptoms of heavy drinking by drinking even more!
Um, no. Unfortunately, drinking to dispel hangover symptoms doesn't actually work. The only reason why you might feel better after having a Bloody Mary has nothing to do with the vodka, and everything to do with the tomato juice: the electrolytes and vitamin C found within tomato juice might just alleviate some of the pain, although there's no science to confirm that a Bloody Mary can cure your hangover.
2Drinking A Gallon Of Water
While hydrating during your night out will save you some misery later on, drinking a ton of water the day after won't do much, because dehydration isn't really the problem you're facing when you're hungover.
Staying hydrated might lessen the severity of your hangover, but it won't dispel the inflammatory chemicals that were released into your body while drinking.
3Eating Carbs Super Late At Night
Look, there's more than one reason to eat a few (or 10) slices of pizza at 3 a.m. But the ugly truth is that eating that penne vodka slice won't save you from enduring a splitting headache the following morning.
While eating something is always a great way to slow the metabolism of alcohol into your system, it won't prevent the alcohol from absorbing altogether. Try eating a protein-heavy meal before going out so that your stomach is full prior to those tequila shots.
4Staying Immobile The Morning After
Sometimes, when you're afflicted with a particularly terrible hangover, it feels like the only solution is to not move a single inch of your body for at least 10 hours. But as it turns out, that's the least helpful thing you can do.
Alcohol is a depressant for your body, meaning that it slows down brain activity. But exercise, on the other hand, leads to a release of endorphins, working as an upper for your body. Doing a low-intensity workout during a hangover might not get rid of your symptoms, but it will certainly work to improve your mood while you wait out the misery.
5Chowing Down On A Greasy Breakfast Sandwich
That bacon egg and cheese sandwich slathered in butter and hot sauce might look appealing, but in truth, the best thing you can eat for a hangover is something your body can easily digest.
They might not taste as delicious, but a pack of saltines will settle your stomach and move through your system with ease, which is important because most of your digestive enzymes will be busy breaking down all of those cranberry vodkas.
One of my personal favorite ways to cure a hangover is to slurp down a big glass of iced coffee, so I was personally insulted when I found out that coffee doesn't cure a hangover.
While drinking a little bit of coffee will keep your headache from getting worse (if you're a perpetual coffee addict like me, that is), it'll make it harder for you to go back to sleep (which is one of the best ways to survive a hangover), and it won't help to metabolize the alcohol any faster. Ugh, this is blasphemy.
7Sticking To That "Liquor Before Beer" Mantra
You've heard all the iterations of this: "beer before liquor, never been sicker," or, "liquor before beer, you're in the clear." Yeah, that's all a load of BS.
There's no scientifically effective strategy to drinking heavily while simultaneously avoiding a hangover the next day. If you drink a lot, it's likely you'll get a hangover, and when you mix liquor and beer, you're likely to be drinking a lot. Sigh.