7 Brutally Honest Phases Of Breaking Up When Your Partner’s Moving Away
Going through pretty much any breakup is difficult. Rarely is separating from another human being a diplomatic and clean affair. Add the fact that your partner is relocating to the picture, (which makes getting back together unlikely) and you've got yourself some depressing feels. Breaking up when your partner’s moving is like compressing all of the inherently awful parts of normal breakups without any of the hope that you will end up getting back together in the near future. And considering hope is the thing that so many of us cling to during the end of a relationship as a way of shielding ourselves from the crushing realization it's over, not having that means that the initial road ahead is going to be even rougher.
The thing that most people don't realize though, is that this lingering hope that an ex will resurface can keep you invested in a relationship long after it has ended. So, if you're dealing with an imminent breakup because your partner is leaving town, there's a silver lining in that the breakup Band-Aid is going to be ripped off, and hopefully, you'll be able to heal and move on without all of the extended drama of post-breakup hookups and the like. This is what you can expect from the road ahead.
1. The Weight Of Knowing They Won't Be There... At All
The pain of deciding to break up tends to vary depending on the couple. We all know a couple that's in a constant on-again-off-again grind, which makes "breaking up" feel much less final. But knowing that there will also be distance means that there will be no buffer period. They will just be gone.
2. Considering Long Distance
If the relationship was going well before moving came into the picture, then long distance is a totally feasible option for couples who are prepared to take on the challenge. It's not easy, but from experience, I can say that it's possible. But, for it to actually work out, both partners have to be completely committed to making it work, which is oftentimes much easier said than done.
3. Realizing That Being Apart Is Going To Be Too Hard
After discussing long distance and deciding that, for whatever reason, you don't think it would work out, this is typically where things start to take a nose dive. Even though you know not having them in your life is going to be agonizing, being in a relationship with someone whom you rarely see just isn't for you.
4. The Goodbye
Hands down the hardest part of the whole ordeal is going to be the last time you see them. Saying goodbye on normal terms is tough, but saying goodbye while knowing that there will be no buffer period of any kind is likely going to be filled with tears. Not to mention the final embrace and trauma of having to watch them walk away and disappear into a car or around a corner.
5. Grieving The Loss
Once they're gone and you're left alone with only your memories of the relationship, the intensity of the situation will really sink in. Over the next days, weeks, and even months, coming to terms with feeling left behind is likely going to hurt a lot. All you can do is try your best to keep your head up and lean on the people in your life who you know you can count on.
6. Getting Angry That They Left You
Part of the healing process might also include feeling angry or bitter that they left without you in the first place, or resentment over not having at least tried long distance. But don't worry, things may seem like they couldn't get any worse, but with time it will get easier. Keeping yourself as busy as possible is key.
7. Accepting That Things Are Over For Good
While it might not seem like it now, there will definitely come a point where things have fully sunk in, and you've come to terms with the fact that your life with that person is a thing of the past.
While you certainly have the right to feel upset for as long as necessary, just know that there will come a time when you look back on things with renewed clarity, and you'll accept that your relationship just wasn't meant to last longer than it did. That doesn't take away from the moments and experiences you shared together, and if it was a healthy, happy relationship, you'll surely keep those memories in your heart forever.
This post was originally published on May 23, 2018. It was updated on Sept. 6, 2019.