6 Kind Texts To Send Your Ex The Day After A Breakup If You Still Feel Unsettled

Breaking up is hard to do, especially if you still care about your ex. But not every breakup needs to be a bad one. Even if you’re the one ending the relationship, it’s still very normal to have leftover feelings for your ex, even more so if you were together for a long time. If you’re wondering how they’re holding up, whether you were on the giving or receiving end of the breakup, sometimes it's OK to reach out and check in. These texts to send your ex after you break up convey empathy without pity, care without romantic love, and concern without hovering.

Of course, it’s super important to put yourself in your ex’s shoes and wonder how you would feel if they reached out to you. It’s all in the context of how you broke up. If you had a nasty fight and could both definitely benefit from some space, maybe you should hold off on reaching out, even if you really, really want to. If you were together for a long time and they took the breakup really poorly, the last thing they could want or need is a message from you so soon after ending it. If they broke up with you, and you didn’t take it well, consider giving yourself some room to breathe.

Whatever your situation, it can be very tempting to crawl your way back into your ex’s phone with a quick text, for any reason. If you’re going to reach out, make sure you ask yourself what your intentions are and what you want to get out of the communication. If you decide to text, here are some suggestions for what you might want to say, depending on your situation.

If You Broke Up With Them And They Took It Poorly

"Hi [Ex's Name]. I hope you're feeling better today. I'm sorry for the way things went down yesterday, and if you still want to talk, I'm willing to listen. Take care."

If you broke up with your ex and they disrespected you for it, do not feel obligated to reach out. In fact, never feel obligated to reach out no matter how they took the breakup! You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, but if the breakup ended with them in tears and overall confusion and pain, a text offering them the chance to talk through it might allow them to have closure that they might very much need.

If You Broke Up With Them And They Took It Well

"Hi [Ex's Name]. Thank you for hearing me out yesterday. I wanted to know that I really appreciate the way you handled our conversation and I'm thankful for what we had when we were together."

Again, you don't have to reach out to your ex if you don't want to. If the breakup was amicable, and they seemed OK at the end of it, it might feel like talking so soon after ending the relationship is too much. Plus, if your relationship wasn't particularly anything to be thankful for (like if they weren't supportive or didn't treat you well), you absolutely do not owe them anything. But if your gut tells you your text would do more good than harm, and it was a good relationship while it lasted, let them know you appreciate their maturity and understanding. It's always nice to know that someone you care about deeply admires the way you handle yourself.

If Your Breakup Was Mutual

"Hey [Ex's Name]. I'm really glad we talked yesterday. I think our conversation needed to happen and I'm thankful we're both on the same page. How are you feeling?"

Asking your ex how they feel the next morning might not be a great idea if you know you broke their heart. But if the breakup was mutual and you ended the relationship as friends, it might be nice to check in and see how they're doing. Chances are, they'll feel better, just like you probably do. However, if the breakup was mutual, but the relationship was really, really difficult to end (like a long-distance relationship, for example, or a situation where you're in love with each other but need more from the relationship), checking in might allow you both to talk about it further and reevaluate if you need to.

If You Had A Horrible Fight

"I'm sorry about how I expressed myself yesterday. I think it was a conversation that needed to be had, but I feel I went about it the wrong way. I hope you're doing OK today, and if not, I'm willing to talk about it further."

This one is tricky. If you had an awful fight where you said nasty things that you didn't mean, and you feel like you need to apologize, texting is a good way to do it. If they said horrible things to you, you shouldn't feel like you have to reach out for anything. In fact, they should (hopefully) be the one doing the apologizing. If mean words were expressed on both sides, maybe space is the best option, considering how raw the fight is. Only reach out if you feel like you have something to apologize for, or if you're genuinely concerned for your ex.

If They Ended It With You And You Took It Poorly

"Hi [Ex's Name]. Thanks for your honesty yesterday. I'm sorry about the way I handled it, but I felt very strongly for you, and I wasn't ready for this to end. It was tough, and I hope you understand."

This is another toughy. If they broke up with you and you unleashed the fighting words, apologize only if you think it's warranted. You don't have to if they broke up with you in a cruel way. You don't even have to, period. But if you're a little ashamed of how you acted, messaging them might be a good way for you to peacefully close that book.

If They Ended It With You And You Took It Well

"Hey [Ex's Name]. I'm glad we talked yesterday. Thanks for being so honest. I hope you're happy and that we can still be friends."

Of course, don't say you hope to stay friends if you don't want to actually stay friends. If they ended the relationship, but it wasn't a total blow for you and you want to keep a line of communication open, by all means, reach out if you want to. But if you put on a brave face for the breakup and you're still emotionally reeling from it, maybe it's best to take a breather and avoid texting them. If, however, they broke up with you and you were blindsided, confused, or just really freaking sad, it's still OK to reach out for some closure. Try sending, "Hey. Can we chat for a bit? I understand if you need some space, but I still need closure and I do have some questions for you."

There is no shame in doing what you need to do in order to move on, and if texting your ex the day after they break up with you is going to help you, then text away.

Breakups are never one-size-fits-all. Every situation is different, just like every relationship is different. Whatever you decide to do, take the entirety of your relationship into account. Was it great? Was it horrible? Did you fight all the time? Did you see the breakup coming? Do you think the two of you are better separate than you are together? These are all things to think about, but the main thing to keep in mind is your ex and what exactly reaching out to them would do for the both of you.

Even if it would make you feel better, don't reach out if you know it would make your ex feel like you're ripping their heart out of their chest or if they've expressed that they don't want to talk to you. Breakups are emotionally exhausting, so take it one day at a time, and keep in mind that the first day is always the hardest. It will get better, promise.

This post was originally published on March 21, 2018. It was updated on Aug. 13, 2019 by Elite Daily Staff.