When you're going out on a first date, there are probably a lot of thoughts running through your mind. No matter how you met, it's normal to be worried about how well the date will go, or whether or not it will turn into anything serious. Worry not, though, young grasshopper, because these red flags they just want to hook up, according to experts, will definitely help you suss out the folks who aren't for you, even on a first date.
Listen, hookup culture is many things. For some people, it's great. According to people like my mom, on the other hand, it's the perfect symbol for how low society has dropped. (Her words, not mine). But it is what it is. Now, if you're going on a date to hopefully turn it into a relationship, then you probably won't want to be with someone who is only interested in a casual fling.
If you're trying to avoid that all together, or just make sure that the person you're going on a date with is actually interested in committing to a relationship, then you've come to the right place. Navigating the world of first dates is tricky, but that's why we're here, fam.
This one is pretty easy to spot, but it still might surprise you. At some point during your date, the other person might throw around some derivative of how they just want something "casual". At this point, run.
"Your date tells you that he or she is just looking for someone nice and fun to hang out with — nothing 'serious,'" LeslieBeth Wish, noted licensed psychotherapist, author, and founder of LoveVictory.com tells Elite Daily. "This person seems to be playing the 'don't worry about me putting the moves on you' card."
Another more sly move Wish describes is when the other person tries to get you to feel sorry for them. "Your date will remind you in other ways that he or she is really on the prowl by telling you a sob story about a bad breakup they just had," Wish says.
"You feel safe enough to go back to his or her place because, after all, this person already told you that they were only looking to hang out, as in the first example, or that they were a little down since the breakup and that they are just looking for a kind, understanding heart to talk to. Either way, you end up at their place."
Womp.
If you're feeling the sparks fly during this date, then that could definitely be a good thing. But, if hooking up after the first date isn't for you, and your date can't keep their hands off you, it might be a sign that that's all they want to do.
"He or she leans into you, grazes your hand or fingers, looks into your eyes as though you were the most fascinating and best-looking person in the room — or ever in his or her life," Wish describes. "These people are true snakes."
Honestly, the only snake I'm interested in is the giant mechanical one on Taylor Swift's tour. And if a date is getting handsy to the point where you feel uncomfortable, don't be afraid to get up and leave.
First dates can be scary if you're going out of your comfort zone. People will often suggest going to a bar, and that's totally fine, but, listen to your instinct. According to Eric Resnick, an online dating coach and online dating profile writer, "If the guy has invited you over to their place to watch a movie on the first date, they are just trying to hook up." But that's not all.
"The same can be said for people who want to meet up at a bar," Resnick says. "The main reason for meeting up at the bar is to loosen up and then go back to one of your homes afterwards. When it comes to the things they say, be suspicious of people who are overly complimentary and who are too focused on your looks. Watch out for people who aren't focused on getting to know you or sharing much info on themselves. They have little to no interest in generating a lasting connection."
Now, there's nothing wrong with a little showmanship during dates, especially first dates. But Wish emphasises the importance of knowing when their bragging crosses the line.
"Your date makes a point to show you how important he or she is," Wish says. "The person might have arranged a special meal at the best place in town or was able to snag hard to get tickets to a special event. The goal is to make you feel lucky that you have a date with a such a famous, wealthy, glamorous, hottest single in town."
It sounds nice, right? But according to Wish, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. "These people charm you with their clout. They tend to be charismatic, a bit mysterious, and very, very interested in YOU! And so you think you've won the jackpot — and end up at their place."
I'm all about living life on the edge, but if you're getting a mysteriously alluring vibe from your date, that's not always a good thing.
"Your date is exciting, a bit dangerous and edgy," Wish says. "And your date knows the allure of those factors and plays it up. Your date tells you stories of what he or she has done or traveled to lately. They play up the excitement and daredevil nature of their work. And they hook you — and seem to take you away from your boring job and life. And you end up at their place."
If you want to ensure that you don't waste your time with people who aren't looking for the same thing as you, Resnick recommends being direct. "You don't have to say that you aren't looking for a hookup as that can seem defensive, but make sure that you are using language that sends a deeper message," he says.
I know it can be hard to find someone who's on the same page as you, and wants the same things. But they're out there, I promise! Do what you've got to do to weed out the people who don't have similar intentions, and move forward, because you deserve to get exactly what you want.
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