Tonight's the night. You and your partner have a hot and steamy evening planned — which is great — but maybe you're not quite as excited about it as you want to be. Hey, life is busy and it's easy to get distracted. But simply knowing how to build anticipation before a sexy night can take your, ahem, quality time together to the next level.
The key to generating some pre-date-night excitement, as sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr tells Elite Daily, is all about flirting with your partner. "Whether you've been together for a month or decades, it's important to flirt in your relationship and keep the energy playful and fun," she explains. When you're looking to build up a little suspense and anticipation, she says, you can flirt your way to a hot and steamy night. "Flirting allows you to stay connected and tease each other, thereby building anticipation and sexual desire for what's to come. The sexy part of a 'sexy night together' need not start the moment the actual event happens; the more connected you feel going in and the more playfulness there is, the more relaxed and playful you'll be in the moment, which can make the whole experience hotter." Here's how the experts say to put that into practice.
Step up the affection.
Want to get excited about getting physical with your partner? Fehr says to, well, get more physical with them by stepping up your affection. “Tease your partner with kisses or sensual touch and let the fire start burning. Do this during the few days preceding the date or the morning of,” she advises. Instead of the usual peck, give them an unexpected passionate kiss. Rub their back and look for excuses to press up against them. “This will get your partner and you feeling closer and excited for the evening as they still feel you against their body,” Fehr explains.
Send sexy text messages.
If you aren't currently face-to-face with your partner, then put your tech to work by sending them some suggestive texts to start building some sexy anticipation. “Tell your partner you're thinking about them. Tell them what you admire about them, how you want them, what you're interested in exploring, or how you are excited to play with them. Share your desires ahead of the date and let each other fantasize and dream about what's to come,” suggests Fehr. If you’re not sure what to say, she suggests just telling them how excited you are about spending time with them, or how you can’t wait until you can kiss them again. “Be as cheesy or as romantic — or as steamy and raunchy — as you want,” she says.
If they are around? Go old-school with it by leaving hand-written messages around the house for them to find.
Introduce a secret menu.
Adding a little novelty with a mysterious twist is a very effective way of both spicing things up and building anticipation, as Kim Anami, holistic sex and relationship expert, previously told Bustle. The trick here is to add some new activities to your plans for the night, but only tease what they might be to your partner. This was, you're essentially creating a “secret menu” for the evening. "You can stir up some titillation and allude to the fact that there’s something special coming, but you don’t have to say what it is," Anami said.
Explore your fantasies.
Following that same theme of freshening things up to build anticipation, you can decide that tonight's the night to check exploring some fantasies off your bucket list. "You can ask yourself what new things you'd like to try with your partner, where you'd like to make love, [and] what lingerie you'd like to wear," Anami said. Spend some time imagining what you want to do with your partner when you see them, and the wait for when you can finally get your hands on them will be exquisite.
Relax and get in the mood.
When life's hectic, it can be easy for things to get a little lost in the shuffle. This is why Fehr explains it can be so effective to just take a little time to get your head in the game. “Do something special for yourself that gets you relaxed, excited, and turned on ahead of your sexy night. Avoid doing work or something intense or stressful right up to the beginning of the date. Give yourself a buffer or transition time to do something to clear your head, relax and get in the mood,” she says. You can pick any activity that helps you to feel relaxed and in your body, like going for a walk, taking a bath, or spending some time meditating. The key is just to relax and let the anticipation and excitement build for what’s to come.
While all of these techniques can be helpful when you have plans of the sexy variety coming up, Fehr says you don’t have to wait for romance to be on the calendar to do them. They're most effective when practiced regularly. “Flirting is a much-needed part of a romantic relationship. The more flirting, the more you can build a connection and create sexual desire to play and explore more together. Especially in a long-term relationship, the sexy part of your love life has to be cultivated through these small gestures and initiations,” she concludes. Building intimacy and keeping your sex life fiery can sometimes feel like work, but fortunately, these techniques all just feel like play. Have some fun and get ready for a really hot night!
Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach
Kim Anami, holistic sex and relationship expert