5 Red Flags Your Crush Likes Your Best Friend Instead, According To Experts
I had a friend with whom I always seemed to find myself in competition over guys. It seemed to me like, in her opinion, the most attractive trait someone could possess was one of her friends being into them. If she sensed you had a crush on someone, she would immediately swoop in — and annoyingly, it often worked. Not knowing how to know if my crush likes my friend, I would stay in the fight, trying to win what was basically a lost cause. I wasted a lot of time and emotional energy this way, when really, had I just seen the signs and moved on, I would have been better off.
Fortunately, you don't have to be like me! You don't have to feel powerless in this situation. If you have a crush on someone but suspect that they're actually feeling your BFF more, there are clear signs that you can recognize so you can stop crushing and start moving on. When it comes to matters of the heart, sometimes your best defense really is a good offense. But first thing's first. How do you know for sure that the object of your affection has feelings for your friend? Here are the behaviors the experts say are a dead giveaway.
1. They Always Seem To Direct The Conversation Toward Your Friend
When the three of you are all together, do you feel like you're the conversational third wheel? If so, NYC relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily there's a good chance your crush's interests are elsewhere. So, if "you can't help but notice that the entire conversation is directed towards your friend... even the questions asked are targeted toward your friend," then, "your crush's attention is focused on developing a conversation that will be engaging to your friend, rather than you."
2. Their Body Language Tilts Away From You
You don’t have to be a body language expert to pick up a few clues about how people are feeling, especially if they're interested in someone. For instance, if "your crush faces your friend directly, with body and eyes locked in his or her direction (and completely focused away from you)," Winter says they're telling you everything you need to know about who they're attracted to.
3. They Find Excuses To Touch Your Friend
Have you noticed that your crush keeps finding excuses to make physical contact with your friend? Do they touch their arm when they say something funny, or playfully bump shoulders with them? Damona Hoffman, host of the Dates & Mates Podcast, says that’s a clear indication that they are interested in them. “If someone sees you as a potential partner, they will make efforts to casually touch you,” Hoffman tells Elite Daily.
4. They Ask You For Insider Info On Your Friend
Who hasn’t pumped someone for information about a crush? When you're interested, you want to know all about them, especially if they're single and available. This is why Winter warns that if your crush is using you as a resource to dig for information about your friend's personal life, they're most likely interested in pursing something more with them.
5. They Start Acting Differently When Your Friend Is Around
How does your crush act when you're alone versus when you're all together? Do they suddenly become someone you don’t recognize? Winter warns that if "you can't help but notice that your crush has a major personality change the moment your friend appears," there is something more going on, especially if they suddenly, "become giddy with excitement, flirtatious and seductive, or seek to draw attention to themselves by being loud and boisterous." They're probably either nervous, or working hard to get your friend’s attention. Either way, the writing is on the wall and it spells out: Bummer.
Listen, I get it. It’s never fun to realize that the person you’re into prefers someone else, but what should you do if you find yourself in this situation? You could keep pursuing them, but Winter says you’re better off in the long run if you just cut it off.
“Why struggle to be the second place choice?" she asks. “You can't fight chemistry (or lack thereof). Here's where we have to bite the bullet and let it go. We never want to enter a romance with someone who doesn't want us. That's an affair destined to create heartache.” And she's not wrong. Once I realized that I was better off investing my energy in people who felt the same way about me, it did wonders for my personal happiness and success in the old romance department. Also, I dropped that friend — who needs that kind of drama, am I right?
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