How To Tell If Your Latest Match Isn't Going To Ask You Out — Despite Swiping Right
There's nothing quite as thrilling as recognizing that initial spark with a potential match. A hint of charisma, a pinch of sarcasm that doesn't come across cynical, and couple tasteful memes later, a connection has formed. The chemistry is undeniable: electric, tangible But while the groundwork has been laid, nothing has been done to build your connection further. How can you tell if he or she likes you, but doesn't plan on asking you out? For some, the game of flirtation is fulfilling enough — and dating apps have only made it more user-friendly, and easy to play.
"Think of the app as just a connector, and the first meet as a tool to screen for chemistry," Dating App Ghostwriter and Dating Expert, Meredith Golden, tells Elite Daily. "And when two people meet in person, the chemistry will be obvious right away." In other words, finger flirting via text can be a lot of fun, but don't mistaken it for the formulation of an actual relationship. It's the appetizer — but the main course of meeting will be even more fulfilling.
Don't let the disappointment of a missed dating app connection keep you from further exploring your options. There truly are a lot of fish in the sea, even if at times it feels like you've only been swimming with sharks.
I asked Golden to highlight five red flags that the person you're virtually flirting with doesn't plan on taking you out in the near future — so that next time you come across their profile, you don't hesitate to swipe left.
01You text too often.
Let me guess, you're probably thinking, "texting all the time has got to be a good thing, right?!" It can be. — constant communication can be a signal that the person you talk to is actually invested in the conversation. But according to Golden, it can also suggest that you've entered the ominous friend-zone.
"Are the texts endless and have the conversations switched to ‘how was your day?’" Golden asks. Once you advance to this, you’ve entered text buddy territory. This can mean you’ll never meet."
To avoid falling down this rabbit hole, trying nipping it in the bud! Use your constant stream of communication to your advantage, and the first opportunity you get, make your intentions known.
02You text too sporadically.
On the flip side of the coin, if every so often this person shoots you an offhanded text to ask how your day is going, but never actually sticks around to have a conversation, they might not be serious about meeting you IRL.
"The other sign includes single messages sent every few days," Golden says. "This is a red flag. It’s too hard to build any momentum up to asking to meet. These exchanges fade quickly and don’t yield a date."
There could be many reasons why you're struggling to hold the attention of the person you're digi-flirting with — maybe they're stressed out at work, or struggling with family issues. If this is the case, get ahead of the problem. The next time they text you out of the blue, ask them out instead!
03You text at odd hours.
While it's true that what starts as a booty call can potentially end in a fairytale, the odd-hour text is usually a telltale sign that someone is not interested in taking your relationship to the next level.
"The fact is, the odd-hour reply person usually doesn’t follow through in meeting," Golden says. "This is the person who responds in the app at 3 a.m."
Who knows, maybe your late-night lover could actually be "the one". If you truly think that's the case, try initiating a conversation during daylight hours — and see if they reciprocate. Try sharing a funny story, or a relatable GIF that's sure to make them laugh.
04They keep asking to reschedule.
Ok, so maybe they have taken the initiative to set up a meeting in the past — perhaps even several times! But if they keep canceling at the last minute, asking to reschedule, or coming up with absurd excuses (how many times can someone's pet get sick?!), you should definitely take note.
"Sometimes there’s a valid reason to reschedule," Golden says, "But for the most part, once the original plan to meet is delayed, the two don’t end up connecting IRL."
It might be time to raise the stakes a little. If you think this person is worth fighting for, let them know the time and place that works for you. Emphasize that this is their final shot with you — and if they don't take it seriously, or flake out last minute, you'll know it's time to move on.
05They never ask you questions.
Conversation is a two-way street. If one side is showing more interest than the other, then the dialogue is bound to fall flat. And once the rapport feels stale, the likelihood of ever going on a real date becomes less and less likely.
"The person who doesn’t reciprocate with any questions is a HUGE red flag," Golden says. "If you’re carrying the conversation, it’s best to delete. This person will never advance to meeting."
You deserve someone who is interested in getting to know you, who values your opinions and takes pleasure in listening to your point of view. Never sell yourself short — know that you're worth it.
Dating is tough. It can feel likely no matter how many times you take the plunge, you end up doggy paddling in cold water. But know that all it takes is the right current to push you closer to your school of fish. Once you've found it, you'll be smooth sailing.
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