5 Questions To Ask On A First Date When You Want Something Casual, Fun & Easy
No matter how idyllic a committed relationship might sound, the truth is that they definitely require a significant amount of time and dedication to nurture. Depending on where someone's at in their life, they might not have the time or desire to maintain a serious relationship. First off, if you feel this way, don't worry — there's nothing wrong with wanting something casual, but it's always a good idea to be honest about what you're looking for from the start. These questions to ask on a first date when you want something casual can help you figure out whether or not someone would be OK with a more open-ended dating situationship.
When seeking out something casual, it can be helpful to recognize that these types of relationships aren't always easy. "Regardless of how committed two people are to the FWB rules, there are very few times when sex stays just sex for both people involved in these situations," relationship coach Brenda Della Casa previously told Elite Daily. "Whether out of curiosity, loneliness, confusion or sincere desire, it's likely that, eventually, one of the parties will find themselves wanting more."
Once you've confronted the reality of how casual relationships can often play out, here are some questions that will help you suss out whether or not someone would be down for a FWB situation.
1. "What are you looking for?"
Oftentimes, the best way to go after what you want is to be direct — especially if the conversation starts to take a more meaningful turn. This could present the perfect opportunity to get a clear idea of what kind of relationship they're interested in. As always, it's important to take what they say at face value and avoid trying to change their mind.
2. "Are you open to taking things slow?"
According to NYC-based relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter "taking it slow" means someone wants no labels or expectations placed on them for the time being. Although this is a much less direct question, their answer will let you know if they're ready to lock someone down or if they're open to seeing how a relationship develops.
3. "What are your top priorities right now?"
Asking about their priorities can also be very telling. If they respond by talking about their demanding work schedule, then this could mean they'd be thrilled to date someone who won't require the normal amount of time or dedication. However, it's still important to confirm their expectations early on to avoid unnecessary drama down the line.
4. "Have you ever had a FWB arrangement?"
Inquiring about their past experiences with casual sexual relationships can provide a natural segue into talking about how you'd really like to find someone who'd be open to something casual. Again, this question should be followed up with a more direct conversation about what you'd like out of the relationship, even if the answer is mostly just sex.
5. "What's your three-year plan?"
Asking intense questions on a first date can sometimes make someone feel like they're being put on the spot, which can cause sparks to fizzle. However, phrasing things so someone can decide how much personal information they want to share can be much less invasive. If they talk about love and romance, then that's probably where their head's at. If they talk about going on adventures and having fun, then a casual arrangement could be right up their alley.
Once you've found someone to casually date, it's also important to stay alert to any signs that they want something more. If you think they're starting to fall for you, then nipping things in the bud is key. “You need to be clear about how you feel and stop all physical contact from that point on — even if they say they can handle it," said Della Casa. "To continue to have sex or even kiss is unfair to them.”
I'm sure most of us can think back on someone who strung us along for the relationship perks when they had no intention of actually having a relationship. This can be really painful, so it's always better to risk being too direct than leading someone on, only for them to wind up hurt in the end.