Being cheated on is hardly a walk in the park. Having your ultimate trust betrayed can make moving forward an extremely tough endeavor. Most of us would probably agree that breakups that don't involve infidelity are challenging enough to work past. Toss in the added pain of knowing that the person you loved chose to be with someone else and you've got the perfect recipe that can make moving on feel almost impossible. The ways to make moving on easier after being cheated on aren't necessarily universal, considering that we all cope with and process traumatizing experiences differently. That being said, there are definitely some things that can make the healing process a little bit easier.
One of the biggest issues that can result from being cheated on by a partner is feeling like you will never be able to let go of the experience enough to fully trust them, or anyone else, again. But you aren't alone — this is a common feeling. The most important thing is to realize that healing takes time. In some cases, a lot of time. Even though it may be tempting to tell yourself that you "should" be over what happened by a certain point, that's just not how it works. In the meantime, here are some tips that can make the road to recovery a little less bumpy.
We can't control the actions of others. We may be able to influence them, but at the end of the day, people make their own decisions on how to navigate any given situation. It's always important to avoid taking responsibility for something that wasn't your fault. Even if the relationship wasn't perfect, your partner should have let you know that they were unhappy instead of going behind your back.
"They may not [have known] how to tell their [you] that they [didn’t] feel valued, needed, or seen," marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson told Elite Daily.
Regardless of whether or not the lapse in communication was the fault of both partners, the decision to handle the situation by cheating was theirs.
If you want to try to make the relationship work after a partner cheated, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. People make mistakes and everyone's capacity to forgive is different. Leaving the relationship is also valid, but either way, it's important to have a clear picture of what type of infidelity transpired and why it happened. Unfortunately, getting the uncomfortable details may provide that clarity.
"There are different kinds of cheating," said Richardson. "Emotional, sexual, a combination of the two. What kind is most hurtful to you? Do you feel like you could or would want to trust your partner again?"
If you don't think you would ever be able to trust that person again, that's OK. Just don't lose faith in the fact that there are trustworthy people out there.
Being cheated on can have some severe emotional ramifications. If you were hurt in this way then let yourself feel whatever complicated mix of emotions you are feeling. Cry your tears, seek support from your friends and loved ones, and little by little, the pain will eventually lessen.
Now, it's important to realize that forgiving and forgetting are two completely different things. You will probably never forget that someone cheated on you, but that doesn't mean that you can't let go of some pain and anger by forgiving them. Whether you want to try and make the relationship work or not, forgiveness can be a beneficial part of the healing process.
“Forgiveness does not necessarily mean staying together,” Richardson said. “If you are wondering if you should stay with a partner who has cheated, your gut is telling you what to do.”
So don't discount your gut feelings about the situation.
Being cheated on is a really hard experience to get over, so be patient with yourself. Even with these tips, moving forward might not be easy. But as long as you let yourself move at a pace that's comfortable for you, then you will be able to love and trust again.
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