Most of us have our phones attached to us basically 24/7. It's likely you keep a lot of your life's details on the little device. You probably don't mind your partner returning your mom's text or checking movie times if you're otherwise occupied, because you have nothing to hide. But some people are sneakier and not as honest with what's in their phone, and it could be a sign for something troubling. There are signs your boyfriend or girlfriend is on dating apps, but it doesn't always automatically spell cheating, so don't worry until you definitely have something to worry about.
I spoke with April Masini, relationship advice expert, and Julie Spira, online dating expert, about the signs your partner could possibly be using dating apps behind your back.
While the following behavior is shady, you might want to give your partner the benefit of the doubt before leaping to the conclusion that a breakup is inevitable. They could be using dating apps if they work in the dating industry — for example, if they write about dating or work for a dating app in some capacity — or they could be utilizing the networking tools offered on some dating apps, like BumbleBFF or BumbleBizz, Spira says.
But if you're in a monogamous relationship, that person should be clear that they are on those apps and for what reasons specifically. If they're hiding it, it's likely bad news. Read on for signs your partner may be using dating apps behind your back.
This doesn't mean you're going through your partner's phone looking for proof of their wrongdoing. This could casually happen when your partner goes to the bathroom, or you're watching a movie together, or for whatever reason they could briefly leave their phone and a notification pops up.
A new match on a dating app? That's suspicious, to say the least.
"For those who use the push notification feature, it’s a just a matter of time before they get busted while curled up in the arms with their partner if their mobile phone is at their side," Spira tells Elite Daily.
If they don't let you use their phone, even for something as simple as checking the weather, that's a red flag.
"Your partner protects his or her phone like it's the Holy Grail, and doesn’t want you using it, seeing it, touching it, or borrowing it," Masini tells Elite Daily. "They take the phone wherever they go — and if they forget it — come rushing back, out of breath, to snatch it up so you won't. Chances are, there are secrets contained on that phone, and one of the most common phone secrets are dating apps. An overly protective phone owner is probably someone who is not wanting you to see those apps on his or her device."
Think about it: If you get a funny text from a friend or family member, or see a great meme, you want to share it with your partner. Because you have nothing to hide.
"If you’re out with your partner, and they get texts that cause them to smile, secretively, and then pocket the phone or turn it off, it’s [likely] because they got a flirty text or notification from someone, and they don’t want you to see it or ask them about it," Masini says. "When you ask what’s amusing, they don’t give you a straight answer."
It could be due to them forgetting to delete the profile instead of just deleting the apps (been there!) which is a rookie mistake and could be totally innocent. Masini says if you ask them about why they still have the app and they delete it immediately, they probably did actually forget to delete their profile.
But there also could be the chance that they are intentionally on dating apps, and someone you know could've spotted them on the app.
"Your friends or colleagues ask if you and your partner are still together," Masini says. "When you reply yes, and then ask why, they don’t give you a straight answer. This is because they’ve seen your partner on dating apps and sites and don’t want to be the one to break it to you."
Them being on dating apps still could be a matter of your relationship being undefined as exclusive as well.
If any of the above occur, have a conversation with your partner about your boundaries and priorities in the relationship. From there, it's up to you whether you want to swipe left or right on your partner for good.
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