Maintaining a healthy and satisfying relationship after the initial intensity of the honeymoon phase is no easy feat. Settling into a less intense romantic rhythm, while also dealing with the doubts that often come once things are less new, can definitely be a source of anxiety. And while doubts are definitely not things that should be ignored, sometimes the nagging sensation that things aren't as good as they "should" be can be the catalyst for breakups that might not have been necessary. The signs you shouldn’t break up with your partner, even if the relationship doesn't feel as amazing or as effortless as it may have in the beginning, are important to be aware of because every relationship goes through its ups and downs.
Once you've been with someone for a while and said goodbye to that first explosion of passion and love, it's only natural that you'll start to notice the less perfect things about a particular relationship. And that's OK! If your goal is finding someone who is 100 percent perfect for you in every way, then this may be an expectation that isn't in line with reality. Even the most compatible of partners will come across issues over the course of a long-term relationship that will require compromise. I spoke with dating expert and licensed marriage therapist Anita A. Chlipala to get her input on things that don't necessarily mean you're in the "wrong" relationship.
No one likes being in constant conflict with their SO, and things can get particularly frustrating when you find yourself having the same fight over and over again. However, according to Chlipala, having disagreements even over a "perpetual issue" is actually pretty normal.
"A perpetual issue is an area that you don't see eye to eye on and you never will, and that’s OK," Chlipala tells Elite Daily. "People mistakenly believe they have to agree about every major topic with their partner and this is unrealistic."
There are definitely certain conflicts that can't really be compromised on, like whether or not you want kids — which could totally be a legitimate sign you're not in a relationship that has staying power — but it turns out that having frequent disagreements in general actually isn't the issue.
"What matters more is how you manage these differences using humor, appreciation, and compromise," explains Chlipala.
"Sometimes people think they’re with the wrong person when there’s conflict, but this is normal. As long as both partners are respectful and willing to compromise, conflict is healthy."
"What are your expectations? Are you expecting continuous passion, constant chemistry, to feel in love all the time?" asks Chlipala. "Well that's not realistic."
According to Chlipala, romantic love is something that naturally fades with time, and maintaining this type of connection takes constant nurturing.
If you're not sure if the lack of intense passion in a relationship is really a problem that means it's time to separate, it may be helpful to ask yourself, "What kind of effort are you putting into the relationship? [Or] do you expect your feelings to 'naturally be there'," says Chlipala.
If you are putting in the effort and still feel like things aren't improving, then that's one thing, but try not to assume it's time to break up just because you're not as excited as you used to be. This may just mean it's time to start trying a little bit harder to keep the fire going.
"I work with clients who don't know how to figure out if someone is 'The One,'" explains Chlipala. "This happens often, so yes, it's normal to have doubts."
And while having recurring doubts about if you're in the right relationship can definitely be scary, it might not mean that breaking up with your partner is the solution.
If however, you are considering taking the next step into a deeper commitment, then having doubts could certainly be a reason to pause.
"If you're discussing engagement, you should have no doubts," says Chlipala. "You shouldn't be committing to someone for a lifetime if you have doubts whether they are a good fit for you."
Sometimes being in a relationship in and of itself is enough to cause some of us to panic and wonder if there's a more compatible match waiting out there. FOMO is totally legit, and sadly, we can't have our cake and eat it too. This means that walking away from someone you love because you're chasing an unattainable idea of perfection could be something you end up regretting.
Of course, this doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship that isn't satisfying, but rather that it's important to separate "feeling satisfied and content" from feeling like a person or relationship is "perfect." Pretty much all relationships go through difficult periods, but before making the decision to end a relationship, it's always a good idea to take some time to think about whether or not you want to let go of someone over a common problem that can be fixed.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
