3 Signs You're Not Paying Enough Attention To Your Partner, According To An Expert
Taking the time to bond with your partner is an extremely important part of being in a relationship. Even if you've got a super hectic schedule, if you're going to be in a relationship, both partners should feel like they're getting an adequate amount of ~bae~ time. We're all human, though, and sometimes it can be easy to get caught up in other aspects of our lives and end up unintentionally making our SO's feel forgotten. That's why it's always a good idea to keep an eye out for the signs you’re not paying enough attention to your partner.
Most of us have busy lives, but the cold hard truth is that we all make time for the things we see as priorities, and an SO should definitely fall into that category. I spoke with best-selling author and NYC dating expert Susan Winter about how you can tell if you're neglecting your SO.
According to Winter, successful relationships often require "negotiations" that should lead to a compromise both partners can feel satisfied with. This principle can help stabilize relationships where needs might not naturally be in sync. Here are some signs it may be time to have a conversation with your SO, to make sure they're satisfied with the time and effort you're putting into the relationship.
1You don't invite them to things that they could or would want to attend.
Are the days of finding any and every excuse to hang with your boo long gone? Don't worry. Maintaining your identity as an individual when you're in a relationship is so important. But, if not including them in your social life becomes a pattern, then this could spell trouble.
"Instead of thinking to include your mate, this factor seems to have totally slipped your mind. You’ve created a mental division that keeps your partner on the exterior of your social life," Winter tells Elite Daily.
So, if the idea of inviting your bae to a pre-game with your friends, or including them as a plus one to your ex-roommate's wedding sounds like a drag, then you might want to explore why you feel that way.
2You don't take them into consideration when planning your weekly schedule.
"Coordinating your free time in order to be together is a basic of being in a relationship," says Winter.
If planning your week is a solo affair, and you have to squeeze your partner into your already solidified schedule, then this could mean that spending time with them isn't at the forefront of your mind.
"Somehow, your sense of independence has become so ingrained that you’ve failed to consider the requirements to sustain a relationship," explains Winter.
3Your partner starts acting grumpy or moody.
According to Winter, if you notice your partner's attitude shifts for no apparent reason, it could be that they're starting to internalize feeling like an after-thought.
"Your mate has become reactive; fits of anger, outbursts, the silent treatment, and bouts of insecurity, jealousy, or pulling away," can all be responses to being neglected, says Winter.
If you're hoping to get things back on track, then there needs to be a conversation about your respective needs so you can come to an agreement.
"You and your partner need to talk about their bottom line for feeling appreciated and valued in a relationship," suggests Winter. "Get specific: How many days a week does your partner need to see you? How many nights? Do they need the entire weekend? Saturday afternoon into Sunday morning?"
Being busy doesn't mean that you can't also be in a healthy relationship. The key to keeping things running smoothly is for both people to be open and honest about their specific needs and expectations, and then, it's up to each person to decide if they can deliver.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!