When you go on a first date with someone, the signs they're looking for something serious are subtle, but not indecipherable. And let's be honest: You might think that it would be refreshingly transparent for someone to come out and say, "I'm really tired of dating and am ready to settle down with someone," but in reality, 99.9 percent of us would start having a panic attack if someone acted that serious about us on a first date. First dates aren't about getting serious. First dates are about seeing whether or not you are interested in someone, regardless of whether or not they buy you a hot pot dinner.
Even though these are not hard and fast rules, I do think that the first sign that someone is looking for something serious is that they don't try too hard to hook up with you. That's not to say that the both of you won't be completely swept away by chemistry and sleep together the first time you've met; I know of plenty of couples who had sex on the first date — and it's totally fine if you want that. But generally speaking, when someone has been through a period of hooking up, they reach a point when they actually want to get to know someone before becoming super intimate with them.
Here are some of the other signs that your first date with someone could be the beginning of something long-term, if that's what you want, too.
1. They Ask You A Lot Of Questions
Yes, someone can be super interested in you and still not be looking for a long-term relationship. But if your date asks you a lot of questions about your family, job, where you grew up, and what you're looking for in your future, it's a sign that they are at least sussing out whether or not you are someone they would like to be with long term. Remember, though, that what you want is just as important as their impression of you: Feel free to ask your own questions to determine whether or not this might be a relationship that you also want.
2. They Want To Know How You Feel About Monogamy Or Open Relationships
If someone asks you a general question about your take on monogamy, open relationships, marriage, or any other kind of relationship status on the first date, it's a surefire signal that relationships are on their minds. You should answer honestly. A polyamorous relationship, for example, is as long term as any other, but if it's not what you're looking for, it's not what you're looking for. And while it might be too much to ask, "What are you looking for?" right now, it's never too early to pick someone's brain.
3. They Mention A Second Date — And Mean It
If someone is looking for something serious, they'll mention a future activity that you could do together on a first date. Now, just because they don't make plans for a second date, doesn't mean they aren't interested in seeing you again. It could just be that the person is a bit shy. But if you follow up with plans and they are immediately available, then it's a positive signal that they are interested in seeing where a date with you goes.
Anyone who has spent significant time on dating apps knows how many first dates you can go on before actually meeting someone who is actually serious about getting to know you. And it's even rarer for you to meet someone whom you'd like to do the same with, too. Dating should be about having fun, so don't worry too much if your first date doesn't show any of these signs. Most people take a while to warm up to the idea of being with someone. In order for a relationship to work, you both have to be excited by the idea of moving through life together.
And the most important thing to remember is that it's not as much about what they are looking for as it is about what you want. When you find someone whose desires align with yours, that's the single biggest signal that you're coming into a relationship that's built to last.
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