"He cheated." "She doesn't believe in marriage and I do." "We were long-distance and neither of us wanted to move." There are plenty of obvious reasons to break up that we hear all day. But breaking up isn't always so blatant. Sometimes the signs you should leave your significant other are more subtle. In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, one user asked, "What are some signs that you might overlook when you should leave a relationship?" Based on their own personal experiences, the wise AF women in the thread were able to come up with some incredible responses.
If you're wondering if you're having doubts about your relationship, but just can't quite put your finger on what's wrong, read these for some much-needed clarity. Heck, even if you don't feel that way, read these to be alert and informed.
They Mock You More Than They Support You
When you are mocked more than you are supported. That you are mocked at all. When you are called derogatory names during an argument.
Physical Affection Is The Foundation Of Your Relationship
You’re not talking very much/your relationship is all based around physical affection. It FEELS good, but you can’t just base your compatibility off of how much you love when your SO touches you.
You're Looking For Signs That You Should Break Up
When you google, how do I know I should break up.
You Feel Relieved When They Leave
When you honestly feel relief at getting alone time when they are leaving.
You're Too Embarrassed To Share Certain Things With Your Loved Ones
When you stop talking to your friends and family about your relationship because you are too ashamed over the horrific ways your SO repeatedly treated you.
You Start Apologizing For Everything
when you find yourself apologizing for everything (even when it isn't your fault) just to keep your partner happy.
They Call You "Dramatic"
Being called "over dramatic" whenever you try to Express that you're upset
You're Afraid To Say "No"
When you feel uncomfortable telling your partner "no" to something reasonable.
Your Friends And Family Don't Like Them
None of your friends/family like them. It’s easy to say “well they don’t know him/her like I do”. But that’s not something fun to deal with long term + trusted friends/family normally want the best for you!
They Don't Care About Hurting You
When they disregard your feelings and go ahead and do what hurts you. Then they have excuses for the behavior pointing fingers at you.
They Won't Let You Express Your Feelings
When every time you try to bring up an issue, you're accused of starting a fight.
My ex would tease me relentlessly to the point it wasn't funny, and wouldn't stop no,matter how many times I politely asked him to. Every [time] I tried talking to him about it, he'd flip on me and accuse me of fighting with him when all I wanted was to express my feelings.
They Let You Down When You Need Them Most
When they have an opportunity to be there for you and they don't.
You Don't Feel Like You Can Fully Be Yourself Around Them
When you find yourself hiding true parts of yourself: Not complaining when something upsets you. Pretending you’re fine when you’re upset. Not being as weird as you normally are for fear they won’t love you.
You Complain About Them More Than You Praise Them
when you find yourself complaining more about your partner than praising them to friends and family
They Make Fun Of The Things That Excite You
Your partner making fun of the things that you get excited about, leaving you feeling dumb and shitty about yourself.
They Try To Get A Rise Out Of You
They repeatedly do or say things that you specifically asked them not to do anymore. Purposely trigger you with things you've explained to them in the past. These actions are emotionally abusive. Dismissing your feelings and requests for simple human compassion usually develops into a bigger deal in the long run.
They Cheat Early On In The Relationship
When they cheat early-ish. The whole "she seduced me" "she meant nothing to me" "I made a stupid mistake" "I wasn't sure of our relationship boundaries". They never blame you, but they also don't stop you from blaming yourself. You might spend years being given the run around, feeling like you're slowly going mad, wondering what's wrong with you and why you're not enough, and turning into someone you hate and never intended to be. Then eventually, they leave you or you finally reach the last straw. Save yourself some time, save your sanity, save your friendships, ditch the cheater.
They Don't Support Your Career
My ex made me feel bad about my career choice, saying that I don't use my full potential just because I chose to study to be a technical director/artist instead of being a doctor or engineer. He told me, and I quote, "Lazy, and always wanting to get the easy way out," because he thinks studying to be an artist is so easy. He told me that it would difficult for me to find a job so I should study to teach English as a side job. (We both don't speak English as the first language, his English skill was kindergarten level and I gave him a crash course so that he could take TOEFL in a year)
There were other stuff he has done to me, and even after I broke up with him after all the abuse, he tried to get me back by calling me once a month even if I told him I already had someone else, saying that he NEEDS me.
I am sorry. I am done being your mother, man.
They Don't Treat Their Family Well
The way your partner treats their parents and siblings. This is how you can expect to be treated once you’re comfortable together.
The Tension Between You Is Palpable
When it feels like you could cut the tension with a knife a majority of the time.
I wish I'd seen this post last year, I could have saved myself so much hurt.
At the end of the day, the best advice I can give is to just listen to your gut. If you have a feeling something is off, follow that feeling.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.