Even if you aren't a big astronomy buff, you aren't going to want to miss the uber rare super blue blood moon on Jan. 31. Not only will it be rare and beautiful, but it's probably going to be having your feel some kind of way... and by that, I mean horny AF. So, if you're going to be experiencing a tidal pull in your pants, you better have some dirty texts for the super blue blood moon ready to fire off to your favorite horizontal-fun-times buddy.
But what the heck is the super blue blood moon anyway? Well simply put, it's the convergence of three rare celestial events: a super moon, a blue moon, and a blood moon, hence the name. To break that down a little further, a super moon is when the moon looks larger because it's closer in its orbit to the earth, a blue moon is when there is a second full moon in a single month, and a blood moon is when the moon falls into the Earth's shadow and appears to take on a reddish color. So yeah, it's going to be spectacular and would be a shame to witness alone — or upright. So here's some textual inspiration to help make sure that doesn't happen.
1. Forget the super blue blood moon. The epic celestial event we're gonna witness tonight is the Big Bang, if you know what I'm sayin'.
2. The super blue blood moon may be hella rare, but the only heavenly body I want to see tonight is yours.
3. When that super blue blood moon rises tonight, my plan is for us to be wearing nothing but moonlight.
4. Baby, the sex tonight is going to be like the super blue blood moon: a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
5. All I can think about right now is how badly I wanna bang you to the super blue blood moon and back.
6. You know that thing I told you we could only try on a blue moon? Well, tonight is the night.
7. When the super blue blood moon rises, I am going to make your telescope expand.
8. I don't know if it's the super blue blood moon, but all I can feel is a powerful gravitational pull toward your bed.
9. When I am done with you tonight, you won't be able to see the super blue blood moon, because all you'll be seeing is stars.
10. Is it a super blue blood moon tonight? Because I feel a tidal pull toward your heavenly body.
11. Why look at the super blue blood moon when you can be exploring my asteroids?
12. They are going to have to hire me at NASA after what I do tonight — because it's gonna be out of the this world and probably involve Uranus.
13. We put a man on the moon, and tonight, during the super blue blood moon, we're gonna put a man on me. Spoiler alert: That man is you.
14. If we bang under the super blue blood moon tonight, does that qualify us for 100,000 mile high club?
15. What do you say tonight, while we watch the super blue blood moon rise, we have a little moon landing of our own?
16. If checking out the super blue blood moon works up an appetite, I'll let you eat my moon pie.
17. Whatever happens in bed tonight, we can just blame on super blue blood moon madness.
18. Nice moon. Can I touch your butt?
Getting freaky under the super blue blood moon is literally a once-in-a-150-year bang, so go on and text bae something extra naughty to make sure you don't miss out on an out-of-this-world opportunity.
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