I have been with my partner for 10 whole years. We have been together as long as the iPhone has existed. No, seriously, the day we met was the day the very first iPhone came out and honestly I'm not sure which has had a bigger impact on my life. Just kidding, it's the iPhone. Anyway, the point is, we've been together for what seems like forever. We're not married, but you wouldn't guess it by looking at us. We show all the signs you and your partner are basically married, from the liberal use of yoga pants and shame-free farting to the deep sense of security and comfort of knowing we've gone beyond coupledom to being one another's family. Yep, maybe we don't have an official document, or the various tax benefits that come with being legally married on paper, but hell, we might as well be.
It's not something that happens overnight, but it comes gradually over time as you get more comfortable with one another and your lives enmesh. It may not seem as sexy or as exciting as the all-so-often lauded honeymoon phase, but the "might as well be married" phase is, in a lot of ways, so much better. You really feel like you have a partner, someone you has your back no matter what, and there is so. much. less. shaving. required. Take it from me, it's #goals.
So, how do you know if your relationship has reached the basically married phase? Well here some sure signs. Welcome to the party.
You used to think it was obnoxious when your coupled up friends always referred to things as “we,” as in, “we” loved that movie. Like, get your own identity, girl. But then it happens, and you're not sure when you started we-ing all over the place, but you know what? It's not so bad. It feels natural because, honestly, most of your life experiences now really are “we’s.”
This probably explains why all your invites include an automatic plus one. You roll two deep at all times, so of course they would be included. It helps that your friends have also become friends with your partner and assume that this package deal is going to be around for the long run.
Do you remember when weekends meant hitting the club, and weekends started on Thursday nights? Not anymore! And thank god for that. Sure, you have the occasional girl's night out, but most weekends now are for chilling out with your partner and firing up the ol’ Netflix queue. And honestly, don’t tell your friends, but it’s just as fun as (if not more fun than) hitting the club.
You feel like you have finally found someone who truly understands you, good and bad, who accepts you, and vice versa. You can easily finish each other's sentences and accurately predict how the other will think and feel. Rather than feeling predictable or boring, this makes you feel close and connected.
It started with, “Oops did I forget to close the door while I was peeing? Oh well," to a fully open-door policy. You are both so over the whole bodily function shame. I mean, who can hold in their farts forever? And why would you when they are so dang funny anyway?
While you still have separate bank accounts, your finances are basically shared at this point. When either of you wants to make a big purchase, it's a decision made together. The same goes for any big life decisions. Neither of you would consider not consulting the other before pulling the trigger. Not only because you value the other's opinion, but you both realize those decisions affects the other.
You have shared so many moments and jokes that at this point you’ve created your own personalized language. If you had to, you could hold whole conversations in nothing but inside jokes and references. This is because they aren’t just your lover, but your best friend and life partner.
Not only could you talk for hours about nothing, but you could also just as easily say nothing to one another for hours without it being weird. You share the comfortable silence that only two people who are comfortable and secure with one another can have. You feel safe not being “on” for hours at a time, and know that your partner feels the same way.
While you still have moments where you want to be looking your best for your partner, the need to always be in full hair and makeup is blessedly over. In fact, you can go full hot mess together in old sweats and still be just as attracted to one another. Being a hot mess is real life, and when you are able to share that with someone, it’s the real deal.
When was the last time you had a moment of worry that you would break up? If you can’t remember, well, girl you might as well be married. You’ve passed the point of just being partners and onto being family, and with that comes a deep sense of security in the relationship, which means you don’t have to worry about breaking up or where things are going anymore. You just know.
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