We need food, water and oxygen to survive.
While we also find ourselves craving baked goods and a cool glass of iced tea every now and then, Emily Nagoski, PhD, believes the only thing we're not really yearning for is the one activity we've been taught is so important: sex.
In an op-ed recently published by the New York Times, Nagoski – who is the director of Wellness Education at Smith College in Massachusetts – outlines her theory that sex is a "responsive," not "spontaneous," desire.
She says sexual passion begins the moment you kiss someone or a dress unzips. It's not something you desperately need, like a sweater in freezing weather.
She says in an interview with New Scientist,
If sex is a drive then desire should be spontaneous, like a hunger. When you see a sexy person or have a stray sexy thought, it activates an internal craving or urge for sex. That's called "spontaneous desire..." Not experiencing spontaneous hunger for sex doesn't have dire consequences; it is not a medical disorder.
Nagoski says less than 20 percent of women feel spontaneous desire for sex, while in men the number is closer to 70 percent.
She has worked to publicize her theory, especially as the FDA considers whether or not to approve the drug flibanserin – designed to boost sexual drive in women.
The problem, according to Nagoski, is this new medication attempts to fix what isn't broken.
Worried about your sex drive? It might be time to reconsider "normal."