The New York Post reposted some of the ego-wounded males' defiant responses to the icky news story, and, as expected, they're pretty hilarious.
Brett David, the creative director at Rochelle's, a bar in Manhattan, says,
I shower twice a day and use a beard wash in the shower and a beard butter after. It cleans, conditions and makes it shine. Upkeep is key, but that's universal.
Meanwhile, 29-year-old photographer Madison McGaw took a more direct approach in defending his fecal -- I mean, facial -- hair.
I promise I do not have poop on my face. I take care of it -- I go to a barber every other week. I comb it and wash it with special products a couple of times a day and I wash my beard whenever I shower.
And, yes, I shower every day.
In all seriousness, we'd be surprised if beard owners didn't wash their beard four times a day, simply because it'd be so easy for them to get, well, gross (food beard is a real and scary thing, guys). Maintaining a chin bush takes a good deal of effort.
Demo Perez, 29, is so confident in his beard's cleanliness, he proclaimed,
I would put my beard up any day against any test.
Is that a challenge we hear?
Poo-free or poo-py, beards, in all of their bushy glory, are probably still here to stay.
The hipsters will be happy.