OK, so I just came across some news that makes me want to punch a hole in the wall.
A new study found that married people are 14 percent less likely to die after a heart attack than single people are. On average, hospitals are also more likely to discharge married people who have suffered from a heart attack two days sooner than single people.
This isn't the first study to come out that explains the benefits of marriage, but it definitely also isn't easy to read.
The most interesting (and unfortunate) snippet of this Medical Daily article is this one:
They aren't exactly sure why married people are more likely to survive heart attacks, but it may have to do with the physical and emotional support they receive from spouses. In other words, married individuals have resources to help them cope that many single people may lack. This support may give them a better chance of recovering from a potentially life-threatening event.
Hmm, I suppose that makes sense. But what I hate about this study is, it doesn't take into account that single people can get emotional or physical support from friends or family in the same way they could from a spouse.
Look, at some point, being perpetually single stops being funny and starts being scary. This, my friends, is that point. Like, I haven't met the love of my life yet (and at this rate, I'm not sure I ever will), but I'm not just going to grab some rando off the street and make him put a ring on it. The fear I might die a savage death all alone won't change that, either.
What is that logic? You know, I'd rather just die with my cats, facedown on my dirty, sus floors than be taken care of in my frail state by the runner-up man of my dreams. Heart attack, come at me.
But on the real, WTF is this study trying to tell me, anyway? That by being an empowered single woman, I'm putting myself at major risk of dying alone on my sad, un-vacuumed floor? That by "loving myself," or whatever it is the self-help gurus are telling me I should be doing, I'm really just killing myself?
Is self-love really just self-slaughter? Is that what this means?
It seems to me there's conflicting information out there. Should I find someone just for the sake of finding someone, or should I love myself by staying true to myself? Should I not compromise my morals and values for someone, but potentially die doing so?
Maybe I'm jumping the gun. I'm only 25, so I guess I have quite a bit of time to find a spouse before I end up dead AF from my hypothetical future heart attack. But still, this news is ... heart-rending.
I have something to say to all the doctors out there: Stop single-shaming me. My poor, fragile heart can't take it (and I mean that in the most literal sense).