Trump Will Have A Huge Spell Cast Against Him By Witches
One of my favorite movie moments is when the students and staff of Hogwarts get rid of the Dark Mark after Dumbledore has died by raising their wands in the air.
Well, the real-life witch community is looking to do something similar with the Trump administration, but on a much larger scale.
A document is circulating asking witches and warlocks alike to enact a binding ritual at midnight EST during each waning crescent moon until Trump is impeached or steps down out of office.
Now, a binding spell is not exactly the same thing as a curse or hex, but if you want to give it a shot, you'll have to gather the following ingredients.
1.Unflattering photo of Trump
Um, how do you get your hands on an unflattering photo of Trump? Oh, jeez, let's see... Just Google "Donald Trump." Yep, that's it.
2. Tower tarot card (from any deck)
Fun fact: You can't play Blackjack with tarot cards.
3. Tiny stub of an orange candle or orange carrot
I'm not sure if the choice of orange is a witchcraft thing or a Trump dig, but I approve either way.
4. A pin or small nail (to inscribe candle)
Is this because Donald Trump has a small... set of hands?
5. White candle (any size), representing the element of Fire
Hit up your friend Yankee Candle for this one.
6. Small bowl of water, representing elemental Water
If you don't already own a bowl, what are you doing with your life?
7. Small bowl of salt, representing elemental Earth
No, you can't scrape the salt off a saltine. Just buy some salt, you heathen. How are you living like this?
8. Feather (any), representing the element of Air
*Looks at the crow non-stop cawing outside* Oh, I've got some feathers I can get.
9. Matches or lighter
That's easy enough!
10. Ashtray or dish of sand
Does my iguana's terrarium count as a sand dish?
People who want to participate are urged to write "Donald J. Trump" on the stub of the orange candle with that pin or nail.
All of the other items are to be placed in a circle, with Tower tarot card leaning up against something. Michael M. Hughes, a writer for the paranormal, suggest beginning by reading the 23rd Psalm before lighting the white candle and starting up the spell.
According to ExtraNewsFeed, here is the entire spell:
Hear me, oh spirits Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air Heavenly hosts Demons of the infernal realms And spirits of the ancestors
Now's the time to light that orange candle stub.
I call upon you To bind Donald J. Trump So that he may fail utterly That he may do no harm To any human soul Nor any tree Animal Rock Stream or Sea Bind him so that he shall not break our polity Usurp our liberty Or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair And bind, too, All those who enable his wickedness And those whose mouths speak his poisonous lies I beseech thee, spirits, bind all of them As with chains of iron Bind their malicious tongues Strike down their towers of vanity
Next, invert that Tower tarot card.
I beseech thee in my name (Say your full name) In the name of all who walk Crawl, swim, or fly Of all the trees, the forests, Streams, deserts, Rivers and seas In the name of Justice And Liberty And Love And Equality And Peace Bind them in chains Bind their tongues Bind their works Bind their wickedness
Now, light the Trump photo with the orange candle stub and hold it gingerly above the ashtray or sand bowl.
So mote it be! So mote it be!! So mote it be!!!
As you blow out the orange candle stub, imagine Trump blowing into dust or ash. Finally, pinch or snuff out the white candle.
Afterward, it's recommended you have a "good laugh" at Trump's expense.
Go on. Cackle your hearts out.