Instead Of Listening To Michelle Obama's Speech, Trump Was Trolling The DNC

The DNC got off to a rocky start, with protests ringing out semi-constantly on the floor. But last night featured several speeches that seemed to fire up viewers.

Donald Trump, who is (of course) allergic to being out of the limelight, spent the night live-tweeting the DNC.

If you'd like a clearer picture of what that might've actually looked like, just picture Donald Trump sitting in a perfect replica of the Iron Throne, tweeting with one hand as he eats a bucket of fried cat hearts with the other.

Oh, and he has a tiny pink boner sticking out of the pee hole of his boxers.

An effective translation of this tweet is,

Sad to watch people who care about freedom, honesty and compassion abandon their revolution. We welcome all voters who want to vote for the exact opposite of all that.

Let me give you a sense of the sort of comments Bernie supporters made on this post:

Now, I'm a journalist, so I must stay unbiased. But Bernie supporters who hate Hillary so much that they vote for Trump are the worst losers since Mike Tyson when he bit an ear off. It's like being so mad about losing in a foot race, you cut off your own feet.

It's so important to stay unbiased. I'm glad I can.

Then, Trump said this very odd thing about Cory Booker, who gave a rousing speech last night at the convention. (<-- Watch it!)

Honestly, at this point, I feel like Donald Trump's campaign strategy is to just "be weird so people will talk about me."

And, of course, he set his sights on Elizabeth Warren:

Honestly guys, I don't know what to say anymore. We're about to elect a president who thinks being openly racist like this is just a funny and cute thing to do. And he's getting millions of people to feel the same way.

Oh, if you didn't know, Elizabeth Warren has Native American heritage. Also, it's "WHOM she always hated," dude.

Like everyone, I hate it when people correct my grammar. But if you're going to be the face of our country, you at least have to use English correctly. You have to be an adult.

None of us are running for president. You are.

The night ended with an invigorating speech from Michelle Obama, which was the first big success for Hillary at the DNC.

Trump stayed uncharacteristically silent on it, targeting others as she was speaking. This is even after she called him out with this epic line:

"Don't let anyone ever tell you that this country isn't great. This, right now, is the greatest country on earth."

Yes, her speech was great. But honestly, I don't know. I'm pretty sure this country is the nation-state equivalent of a raging dumpster fire that's full of medical waste outside of a cancer hospital.

Personally, I'd pick Canada.