Despite an impressive victory in Indiana, I have a message for Bernie Sanders supporters: It's over. I repeat, it's over.
If Bernie was Drake, it might be far from over, but he's not and it is over ... and that's okay. I know it sounds like I'm trolling, and I am a little bit. I mean, what's life without a little fun? Even the TV dinners give you that dry brownie dessert to go with your meat and potatoes.
But in all seriousness, I'm here to provide a service. This article goes out all Bernie supporters, but I'm particularly hoping to reach the youngest of “Berners”: the college age kids. You know, the ones who are voting in their very first election.
It's just like when a couple divorces; the younger kids tend to take it a bit harder. I know how you kids feel about this election. Like Mickey Goldmill, I was young once too. I've known heartbreak; I once loved a candidate who came up short. He stole my heart and I voted. Then on November 3, 2004, he was gone. He was out of my life, never to be heard from again. Well, sort of. The man I speak of is currently the secretary of state, John Kerry.
I've always been a lover of politics, especially the presidency. I think my fascination started when my mother bought me a copy of "Ask Me Anything About The Presidents." I loved that book. I would read it every night, and wondered what it would be like to be president.
Most people don't follow politics until they reach voting age, but that wasn't the case for me. I was a lover of politics as early as I could remember. I would watch conventions and debates like it was the Super Bowl. I took it to heart, too. I remember crying my eyes out on election night 1994 as an 8-year-old because Mario Cuomo had been ousted as governor of New York by George Pataki. The sadness was not political; it was personal.
Cuomo was governor of my home state since 1983. I was born in 1986. He was the only governor I ever knew. If YouTube would have existed back in '94, the little girl who cried because Obama was leaving office would have nothing on me.
My mother, in infinite wisdom, sat me down and explained that everything was going to be OK. She assured me that Governor Cuomo was going to be fine and live a nice life in retirement. She also assured me that our state was going to be fine, and though we had a new governor, change is part of life and sometimes you have to get used to things that upset you.
Now, most Sanders supporters are at least a good 10 years older than I was at that time. So please allow me to reiterate my mother's sage advice in a more age-appropriate manner. Bernie is done! It's over! The next rally he holds should be held outside so the vultures can get a good view of their dinner, come June.
Instead of Neil Young, at rallies, Bernie is gonna have James Ingram singing, “I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough.” Bernie tried hard, but in the end, he came up short. This may not be what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear. This is tough love at it finest.
Secretary Clinton has won slightly more than half of the primary contests, and currently leads Sanders in the delegate count. I know people will bring up the superdelegate argument. I know superdelegates can switch, but I'll let you guys in on a little secret: They only switch if the other candidate starts winning.
On April 26, or as it's better known, Super Tuesday 22. (BTW these “Super Tuesdays” are getting ridiculous. There was supposed to be only one Super Tuesday that's what made it “Super.”) Hillary won four out of the five contests, even snatching victory from the jaws of defeat in Connecticut. At this point, it's hard to convince yourself or anyone else that Sanders has a path to victory. Just because you like someone doesn't mean they deserve to win.
I love the New York Mets. They made it all the way to the 2015 World Series. Guess what? They lost. I didn't blame the umpires, I didn't blame my fellow Mets fans, I didn't even blame the team that beat them. (Kansas City I hate your baseball team, but love your ribs!) It was the Mets' fault. They didn't do enough to win, plain and simple.
Now I know there were voting irregularities in the New York primary. About 125,000 Democratic voters were purged from the polls in Brooklyn. That's deplorable and it's currently under investigation, as it should be. This happened on both sides. I personally know Bernie supporters who couldn't vote and I personally know Hillary supporters who couldn't vote.
But for argument's sake, let's give all 125,000 votes to Bernie. He still loses by 165,614 votes! Not three, not two, but 165,614. Then there's always the argument that New York has a closed primary and that's not in the spirit of the general election. Those are the rules plain and simple. I have a friend who desperately wants to vote in this election but can't because she is not a US citizen. It's just how things are.
I would have loved to be able to vote for Justin Trudeau in Canada, but the rules say I can't. My point is this: If it would have happened the other way around and Hillary was on the short end of the closed primary stick, would Bernie supporters have cared? Probably not.
The system can't just be rigged when it works against you. It can be rigged when it works for you. Some claim more dead people voted for John F Kennedy in Chicago in the 1960 election than living. I'm exaggerating of course, but since Kennedy is beloved and the screw job was at the expense of Richard Nixon, very few people care.
Dirty tricks are a part of political history. I know it's not right, and I'm certainly not condoning it. All I'm saying is being surprised that dirty tactics are used during an election is like being surprised the polygamists are not monogamous. It comes with the territory and you should have known that going in.
In closing, I just want to get a simple message too young Sanders supporters: All is not lost. You will smile again. It may not seem like it now, but one day you will fall in love with another candidate. And that candidate might actually end up winning. That's what happened to me. In 2004, John Kerry lost to a man who couldn't pronounce the word “nuclear,” and that man was the sitting president of the United States.
Say what you will about Hillary Clinton, but at least she can form complete sentences. It could be worse; it can always be worse. At least Bernie was cool. John Kerry couldn't be cool if he slept in a meat locker. God love him, but John Kerry makes John Kasich sound like Martin Luther King, Jr.
That is so bad. Just remember, the night is dark and full of terrors … dammit! Can't get that "Game of Thrones" premiere out of my head. Let me try that one more time: The night is darkest just before dawn. There we go.
For me, my dawn came in 2008 when I got to vote for Barack Obama. Who, by the way, came to prominence when he stole John Kerry's thunder, giving the nomination speech for Kerry at the 2004 DNC. Poor John, but seriously Bernie supporters, you'll be OK.
As political analyst Van Jones put it: "Bernie Sanders the candidate can lose, but Bernie Sanders the message can still win." I'm pulling for you all.