Two Women Tried Smuggling 13 Pounds Of Horse Genitals Into Juice Boxes

by Tim McGovern
US Customs and Border Protection

I've heard of saving a horse by riding a cowboy, but maybe we can save a horse by not packing their genitals into juice boxes?

Two Mongolian women's plans to hide 13 pounds of horse private parts into juice containers were foiled by US Customs and Border Protection officials last month.

Ugh, just let them live, Customs! It's only the severed reproductive organs of one of the most noble creatures on planet Earth, after all.

The final showdown occurred at Dulles Airport (exciting, I know), where officials found 42 pounds of horse meat and 3 liters of yak milk.

Dang, that's like 20 bowls of cereal deprived of Grade-A yak milk. Sad!

I wonder how US Customs and Border Protection officials found out about the juice boxes filled to the brim with horse private parts.

"Uh, ma'am, why does this juice box weigh roughly the same as a horse penis?"

Yeah, that's probably how it went down.

Also, 13 pounds? Wow, it's true what they say: The bigger the horseshoe, the bigger the juice box...

One more thing: How can you tell the meat of the horse is from, you know, its genitalia?

These officials must have had a lot of unsavory experiences.

Not only is horse meat illegal in Mongolia, it's considered an "unknown remnant meat," which may cause foot and mouth disease.

Customs and Border Protection port director over at the Dulles' Area Port, Wayne Biondi, said in a release,

Customs and Border Protection takes no pleasure in seizing and destroying travelers' food products. We're in the business of protecting America's agriculture industries, like the livestock industry, from the potential introduction of animal diseases posed by these unpermitted food products.

Thankfully for the would-be horse junk smugglers, they weren't arrested despite the fact all of their horse meat was incinerated.

Perhaps from now on, we can lay off traveling with equine gonads. Is that too much to ask, everyone?

Citations: 2 Women Try To Sneak 13 Pounds Of Horse Genitals Into U.S. (Huffington Post)