'Clown Sightings' Twitter Lets You Know If One's Lurking In Your Neighborhood
If you're like any other normal human being, you just want to walk to work or school without being ambushed by a maniacal clown.
Unfortunately, whether they're hanging in the woods, slowly stroking someone with a knife or just straight up threatening to kill us all, clowns have infiltrated essentially every corner of the country.
The worst part? It doesn't look like the epidemic is slowing down anytime soon. New sightings are being reported daily.
In fact, some schools are banning the Halloween costume. Even police departments are warning trick-or-treaters to find different costume ideas this year.
However, a very relevant Twitter account called @ClownSighting is here to help us in our time of need. The account shares images of clowns seen all over the US, so that you'll know exactly which places to avoid forever.
This account will either soothe your fears by confirming you're nowhere near a crazed clown stalker or drive your paranoia levels way up as you realize your weirdo next door neighbor has more serial killer-esque hobbies than you originally thought.
The account's Twitter bio suggests that users direct message the photos of clowns they see across the country. Predictably, these photos and videos are all terrifying.
Warrensburg, Missouri pic.twitter.com/IdeZXteuwP — Clown Sightings (@ClownSighting) October 6, 2016
University of Cincinnati pic.twitter.com/BNTpHmVEAh — Clown Sightings (@ClownSighting) October 5, 2016
Lindenhurst, New York pic.twitter.com/GBEeUS2Rue — Clown Sightings (@ClownSighting) October 3, 2016
The submissions apparently come from all corners of the country, including Utah, Missouri, Ohio and California.
Houston, Texas pic.twitter.com/z0UXPxKRXN — Clown Sightings (@ClownSighting) October 3, 2016
In fact, the clown epidemic might be going global... as this submission from Ireland seems to suggest.
Clown sightings being reported in Europe. Dublin, Ireland pic.twitter.com/po6VXWLYK4 — Clown Sightings (@ClownSighting) October 5, 2016
So far, it's unclear what the clowns' motives are.
Are they trying to murder us all like in some episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" Is it an out-of-control movie marketing ploy? Are they just a bunch of teenage assholes getting waaaay too into Halloween?
Regardless, I'll be locking myself in my room and scrolling through @ClownSighting, waiting in fear for the moment I'll recognize my street in one of the videos.