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Beyonce's Half Time Performance Would've Broke The Internet

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While Beyoncé fans have been crying tears of joy over her soon-to-come twins, I've had other ideas.

Don't get me wrong; I'm happy for her and Jay Z, but I prefer a different version of Bey.

In fact, I prefer the dancing, all black-clad, Super Bowl version of Bey we had last year. Why? Because that halftime performance made a statement.

Can you imagine if we had that performance this year?

Let's take a look back and remember a simpler time:

1. The Power Walk Down The 50-Yard Line.

Now, to be clear, I'm not just saying I love this version of Bey because of her sexy ass walk over the 50-yard line, even though there was some of that.

2. The Group Twerk.

And I'm not just saying this because of her sexy ass twerk (which was literally the most fire part of the performance) even though there was some of that, too.

3. When She Owned The Camera.

I'm not even saying this just because of her sexy ass looks at the camera, even though there was definitely a lot of that.

4. When She Had A Black Girl Magic Moment.

OK, you get the point, the performance was sexy.

But it was also a strong, well-choreographed exhibition of femininity and blackness.

5. ...And Subsequently Caused A Right-Wing Stir.

I can't help but wish the same exact performance could have occurred this year instead of last, because the irony and hypocrisy would be so delicious if her haters tried to pull that "Beyoncé is disrespectful" crap this time around.

Let's have a #TBT exercise for a minute: Rewind 12 months and think about this.

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Even Breitbart.com (Breitbart!) had the decency to note the song Beyoncé performed, "Formation," was about identity.

Lee Stranahan wrote,

Although Beyoncé was trying to capture headlines by using politically incendiary imagery, the songs lyrics are mostly about black identity, a theme that goes back to songs like James Brown's “Say It Loud – I'm Black and I'm Proud.” 

Now, I don't know about "trying to capture headlines," (Uh, she's Beyoncé.) but you get the point.

And yet, people legit made up narratives out of thin air and got mad about make-believe issues.

"Attack police officers?" Lol, word?

OK, let's play that game, 2017 style.

Consider everything that's transpired in the last six months.

Now, if right-wing critics thought singing about hot sauce in her bag meant Beyoncé attacked police, then surely they are tired of Trump's "attacks" against -- oh, I don't know -- women, Hispanics, immigrants, Muslims, black people, journalists and dissenters.

I mean, we're talking about strong rhetoric sending implicit messages, right?

Using this logic, if Beyoncé having a video that shows the words "stop shooting us" written in graffiti is an “attack,” then what about Trump saying woman's claims of rape are invalid because she's not attractive enough? That seems like attack if I ever saw one.

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The beginning of 2017 has already been an attack on immigrants, Muslims and women; it's hard to imagine if the world could have handled Beyoncé's "attack," if it were to occur in February 2017.

Of course, we don't have to play a game to point out how ridiculous these criticisms of Beyoncé were. It was ridiculous last year, and it will be ridiculous the next time a similar overreaction occurs.

But this year, specifically, a Beyoncé performance would have a lot of her haters looking even more foolish than they did last year -- to those of us who see through the nonsense, at least.

But who knows? Maybe Lady Gaga will stir it all up again.

Regardless, it probably won't compare to Beyoncé's, though (no one's like Beyoncé).