How Pepsi Is Responsible For Nearly Everything You Eat
Pepsi is one of the biggest beverage companies in the world, engaging in all-out war with the Coca-Cola company for what we drink. I grew up a Coke drinker, but have since developed a preference for Pepsi. I’d like to think it’s because Pepsi’s lower sodium content, but maybe it's just marketing.
But the battle for cola drinkers worldwide is just a tiny part of Pepsi’s beverage empire, which doesn’t even account for their surprising (to me) domination of the snacks market as well. I give money to Pepsi for essentially all my favorite munchies.
Without further ado:
This is Pepsi’s known forté. The flagship product. Pepsi in all its glory, plus Mountain Dew in all its flavors, Sierra Mist, and Mug Root Beer. Root Beer is, was, whatever, my favorite soda and Mug was a solid second to Barqs.
SoBe Lifewater & Energy Drink
Pepsi’s answer to Vitamin Water. When 50 Cent got paid for a shrewd investment in tasty “water,” Pepsi knew it had to jump in. Generally, I prefer Vitamin Water, but the Pomegranate Cherry SoBe is top tier.
AMP, Rockstar, No Fear Energy Drinks
Monster and Red Bull are definitely the top energy drinks, but Pepsi scooped up everybody else. A power-up drink for every high school social clique.
Tropicana and Naked Juice
Snagging all the demographics. Tropicana is practically synonymous with breakfast. Moms buying for the family stocking up on the OJ, and single ladies trying to drink healthy getting Naked everywhere.
The second most visible brand in sports, behind Nike. Gatorade has about 75% of the sports drink market share, with competition only coming from Coca-Cola’s Powerade and Vitamin Water. It’s everywhere, including in you, and all that money goes straight to Pepsi’s account.
Seattle’s Best Coffee & Starbucks Bottled Drinks
Even coffee drinkers pay their dues to the sloshing titan. Pepsi has a partnership to bottle and distribute bottled coffee with Starbucks. And SBC is owned by Starbucks, so Pepsi pushes both.
Lipton Ice Tea
Brisk. My go-to $1 can in the dorm vending machine. Again, Pepsi has the bottling infrastructure that all the beverage companies need. Partnerships galore.
Quaker Food Products
That jolly colonial guy from Philadelphia is gorged on the profits from Chewy Granola Bars, Instant Oatmeal, Rice Cakes and more. God bless Pepsi's Society of Friendly Products.
Crunchatize me, Pepsi! That feeling when the top of your mouth gets torn up from eating too much, and then you drink the milk in the bowl and it's so soothing. I can’t even be mad, this stuff is so good. And the Cap'n is actually the Quaker guy with a mustache.
Munchies Snack Mix
Got all the good stuff in it, with themed flavors? I’m a fan. But this is just the beginning of the Pepsi snack empire. They own more than you know.
Dangerously Cheesy, they say. Dangerously addicting, I propose. Nothing sadder than a wet and soggy Cheeto. Unless its a bag of wet and soggy Cheetos.
When I was a kid, my grandpa told me that his father was Sailor Jack. I believed it for a long time, but Wikipedia says he lied. Oh well, still a tasty snack. Classic Americana, woohoo baseball!
My mom’s favorite. The Hint of Lime chips are surprisingly polarizing, a lot of people I know really dislike them, but I find them pleasant. Sidenote: 90% of salsas at the supermarket are listed medium.
Lay's Potato Chips
I’m not a huge fan. Too thin and insubstantial, but clearly the world disagrees with me because Lay's has been in business since 1932, and is the biggest crisps seller in the United Kingdom.
Rold Gold Pretzels
Nothing makes cottonmouth worse than pretzel rods (all the stoners nod in agreement). But that didn't stop us from eating the whole bag. Also, Those cheddar jalapeno pretzels twists are game changers.
Sour cream and onion Ruffles are one of my all-time favorite snacks. Crunchy, doesn’t instantly disintegrate, the crinkled texture makes for an improved chewing experience. The subtlety and balance of the flavor allows for nearly an entire bag to be consumed in one seating without
All about the Spicy Sweet Chili. AKA Purple Doritos. Electrifying. You owe it to your tastebuds to try them. And obviously Nacho Cheese and Cooler Ranch are classics. No football party is complete without them.
I house Smartfood like Joey Chestnut murders hot dogs. I eat the whole bag and then lick my fingers. Something about that fake white cheddar powder puts me in bliss.
Miss Vickie's Chips
Some great small batch “craft” potato chips. Nice flavor selection and intensity. Goes great with turkey/provolone/BLT on a hero with mayo and mustard.
I feel like this is a chip for a different generation. Maybe if you’re tripping on acid the curvature of the chips is way cooler, but I've never really cared for them. I was, though, always amused by the way I could scoop up my drinks.
Ew. Chips that pretend to be healthy. To thine own self be true, please. We know chips are a guilty pleasure, don't give me whole grain organic tofu chips fried in vegetable oil.