I would like to assume that most people mainly do things for themselves. That seems to be the general consensus — that when we do something, we do it because we want to do it, because it somehow serves our self-interest. This is not to say that we don’t ever do things to help others. I am not one to believe that every little thing we do is focused around our own happiness and done for our own benefit.
But it is safe to say that when we do something — even if it is done for the purpose of helping a neighbor — we do it because we want to do it. We want to help out our coworker, so we help them out. If we act in a certain way, we act that way because we want to act that way. If you change yourself, you change yourself because you want to change yourself; you feel that you will benefit from the change and the only person you are trying to please at that moment is you. This is a load of crock.
We have all trained ourselves to believe that our actions are entirely of our own accord. We believe that when deciding what we want to do, at least in most instances, we do what we ourselves decided we ought to do. We believe that the idea originated from within our own minds and that we are the ones that want to bring it to action. The truth of the matter is that little of what we do is done entirely of our own accord. When we make our decisions, our own interests are rarely unaccompanied.
Human beings are special because not only are we aware of our own consciousness and our own existence, we are aware of and accept that there are others that have an ability to think and learn the way that we do. We understand that we are not alone, but one of many equal individuals. We do not live alone, but within societies. We rely on each other for survival and are among the company of others almost endlessly. Is it truly so difficult to believe that those whom we surround ourselves with and interact with regularly, along with their own wills and desires, creep into our heads and affect the decisions we make?
Most decisions that the average person makes are influenced by the outside world, by others. Think about it. How many times have you done something because someone complained about you or your character? I feel most of us have changed at least once in our lives because someone either told us that it was what they wanted or we ourselves believed that the change was what they wanted.
We hold the criticism of those close to us dear. So when people that we live with and that we function amongst are unhappy with who we are, we’re inclined to change. We prefer to change ourselves because we either lack faith in ourselves or because we fear the criticism. This can especially be seen in relevance to those that hold some sort of rank or power over us. If we believe that our parents, bosses or those we respect or admire find a flaw in our character or in our way of doing things, then there are those of us of who are going to attempt to change in fear of being reprimanded.
This is weak. Changing because we are scared shows a lack of will, a lack of self-awareness, of self-respect and of strength of character. You should never change because someone else wants you to change. Sure, a person may be right — a change may make you a better and a happier person, but it’s not enough only to know that you ought to change.
You have to understand why you should change and why you should want to change. Making changes in your actions or person has to be your decision and yours alone. You have to be open-minded enough to consider a person’s criticisms or complaints respectfully and smart enough not to allow yourself to take it as an insult. If someone important to you wants you to change and you believe that you ought to change, then change. Otherwise, if you believe a change is not in order, then have the courage to stand your ground.
Some of you may consider yourselves to be strong and courageous. Some of you will get angry, pissed. You’ll decide that you won’t make any adjustments out of pure spite. You’ll show them! And again you fall to weakness. Whether you are changing in order to please them or not changing in order to piss them off, you are doing it for them, not for yourself. This is what’s truly weak. If you are doing something only to piss them off then you aren’t doing it for yourself.
You may believe that you are doing it to get even, for revenge, in order to comfort yourself. The fact is that you don’t actually benefit in any way. In fact, you are going out of your way in order to annoy someone else, in order to spread hatred. That’s weak. You must do things with a steady, clear mind and with good intentions. There is enough sh*t in the world that you don’t need to add it. You also can’t just sit there and take sh*t when it’s thrown at you. You must do you for you. Know what you want and who you are. Then just do that.