8 Things You Need To Stop Doing If You Don't Want To End Up Alone In Life

by Paul Hudson

People are always complaining about being alone. I’ll have people ask me, regularly, where they can find the love of their life. The truth is that I have no idea.

There is, however, a way to increase your chances of finding a special someone. This doesn’t necessarily involve doing more. On the contrary, it involves you doing less. If you want to find the love of your life, then you need to stop doing these things ASAP:

1. Stop focusing so intently on your wants.

We are human and, therefore, are creatures filled with urges. Our wants aren’t always logical, they aren’t always wise, nor are they always beneficial – they’re simply pleasant. Or, at least we believe that they will be. The problem with focusing on your wants is that we have no limit to our bounds.

We want to experience everything in life because it’s the pleasures that entice us to continue exploring, to continue living.

However, living a life of self-indulgence quickly goes sour. The more we want, the more we will want. This doesn’t work if we’re expected to be faithful and happy with a single individual. Eventually, you have to say that you have enough in your life and be happy with it.

2. Stop listening with the purpose of responding.

People rarely listen in order to hear. We all listen with the intent of giving a response. The one thing that relationships have taught me is that the other person isn’t always looking for advice.

Often they simply want someone who will sit there and listen to the things they have to say. People sometimes want to unload their problems with no judgment and no guidelines. If you want to find someone to spend your life with, then take the time to really listen to what it is he or she has to say.

3. Stop thinking that you’re the most important thing in the world – now there are two of you.

The thing about love is that it allows us the rarity of living an almost-double life. When you are with the person you love, the two of you are capable of understanding each other on a very deep level. This allows you to empathize with the person more than you would be capable of empathizing with anyone else.

To love someone is to feel as if you are part of that person and he or she is a part of you. Meaning, in order for you to truly love this person, you must be capable of giving his or her life as much, if not more, importance as your own.

4. Stop being selfish and inconsiderate.

For whatever reason, most people seem to think that they don’t need to adjust their personalities when entering a relationship.

The truth is that you do. Being with someone means dealing with that person often and intimately. It means managing to cohabitate without driving each other nuts and without turning the loving relationship into a spiteful one.

You need to learn to be considerate – usually putting your lover’s needs ahead of yours. You should want to give to your partner, even if it means sacrificing on your end. To be in a loving relationship, you have to stop being selfish and inconsiderate and learn to be giving.

5. Stop being so damn picky and difficult to please.

In life, you don’t always get what you want; deal with it. No one wants to be in a relationship with a person who does nothing but complain and spread negativity. The reason that person is with you is not to hear you bitch and moan about this and that.

Your partner doesn’t want that sh*t in his or her life. What your partner wants are pleasant moments to turn into beautiful memories. He or she wants a positive outlook in life – and that's impossible when you're so difficult to please.

6. Stop sleeping around.

Sex is wonderful – no doubt about that. However, keeping it in your pants is not a natural trait. It’s one that you have to learn. If you keep sleeping around then I can promise that it will be difficult for you to not keep running around. Everybody likes a variety.

Everybody likes mystery and debauchery. Everybody likes risk and excitement. Having sex with hundreds of people is much different from the sex you’ll have with one person over time.

To be honest, you’re doing yourself an injustice by not having someone to explore your sexuality with. You’ve basically been turning the same trick over and over again with different ponies for the last few years.

7. Stop second-guessing yourself.

The truth is that the grass usually is just as brown and muddy on the other side of the fence as it is on this side. You have to understand that if you never stop searching for something better, you’ll never find what you’re looking for.

The search/chase are very exciting – no argument there. But they are also a means of getting somewhere, not the goal itself. It’s easy to get caught up in the chase, being unable to get yourself out of cycle.

8. Stop thinking you’ll be alone forever.

In life, we often get what we settle upon having – so thinking that you’ll never find someone will only increase your chances of never finding someone.

This may sound silly, but you have to believe you will find someone to love. If you don’t believe it can happen then the universe won’t believe it either. Just about anything in life is possible if you believe it to be so. Keep a positive outlook, keep hope and you will find someone to love.

Photo via We Heart It

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