This article is a thank you to all those unsung heroes of the bar. I know you’re there, but I’ve never gotten the chance to extend my gratitude.
You’re like angels who walk among us. You go above and beyond what is required of you as a bar patron, and it is greatly appreciated. You are truly a bar MVP.
The person who returned your lost stuff
There is no worse feeling than waking up at home and realizing you left your wallet and cell phone at a sleazy bar the previous night.
You go through horrible thoughts of people stealing your money or seeing those embarrassing, nonsensical texts you sent to your friends (because you were the first one there, and it was awkward).
Finally, you muster up the courage to call the bar (with a friend's phone, obviously), and you discover all of your stuff had been turned in. The thought of it sitting safely in the cash register puts your mind at ease, and you breathe a deep sigh of relief.
For those of you who see a wallet and phone sitting in a bathroom stall and say, “I’m going to make sure that bejeweled cell phone and tattered Vera Bradley wallet get back home safe,” this thank you is for you.
You have no idea how much you handing our stuff in to the grumpy bartender is appreciated.
The girl who compliments you when you’re in the bathroom line
The girls' bathroom truly is a magical place after midnight. You’re hot and sweaty from dancing the night away, and you notice your skirt has a tiny rip in it. You rush to the bathroom to see what can be done.
While you're in there, three women offer you pins to keep your skirt safely shut for the night, and then they proceed to compliment you on how great your hair still looks.
The girls’ bathroom is like a Nascar pit stop for your self-esteem.
I’ve even had conversations about the guys we were all meeting while in line. It’s oddly reminiscent of the sleepovers you would have with friends, before puberty hit and everyone was awful to each other.
This is a shoutout to you, equally drunk and awesome lady I just met.
"Hell yeah, this line is way too long! I wish we could just sneak into the boys' room, and we both look like kick ass princesses right now!"
I really appreciate you.
The guy who understands you’re not interested the first time you say it
This might not seem like a big deal, but this is huge. We live in a culture where saying “no,” or “I have a boyfriend” is registered as “please, try harder. I just want to see if you’ll work for it.”
It is frustrating having to dodge a guy the entire night, especially when you are already clear about your interest in him. So when you do meet a guy who gives you your space after you make your feelings known, he’s a real MVP.
This guy deserves mad props because he has enough situational awareness to not hover around someone who is disinterested. He also has enough self-esteem to regroup and move on.
You go, guy! You’re going to find some other chick who’s interested in you and dance the night away, instead of wasting your time.
The cool bouncer
These are the guys who ID your mom to make her feel young again. These guys are locked and loaded with corny jokes, and even though they’re at their jobs, they know they can either ruin or enhance someone's night.
I’ve encountered many of these fine individuals, and coincidentally, many of them were at beach bar locations. Something about that ocean air must make people a lot more chill.
I’ve even seen bouncers “escort” drunk women out of the bar, like they were gentlemen presenting them at a debutante ball. Instead of roughhousing them and making them feel like drunk idiots, they were kind and hilarious.
So, this is a shoutout to you, funny bouncers. I really appreciate the bouncer who knows when to be serious and forceful, and when to handle things with care.
The guy who's friends with everyone
You see this guy floating around the bar, and you can never really pinpoint which group he’s with. At first, you assume he must be a regular because he knows everyone, but then he approaches your group. This guy is charming the pants off both the men and women you're with.
He’s funny, suggesting drinking games and getting everyone involved. This guy is really important.
He becomes the tie each group has with each other. He’s a cool kid, and he gives you an in to flirt with that cute guy a group over.
So, this shoutout is to you, drunk charming guy. You will never be in need of friends, as you are funny and easy to talk to. I feel like I’ve known you forever, and yes, I would love to do a Jagerbomb with you (especially since you convinced everyone else in the bar to do one while chanting "America").
Everyone should strive to be a bar MVP. If you already are one, know this: The drunk doofuses you are helping out really appreciate it.
You are a hero who has saved at least one stranger an immeasurable amount of time, money and sadness.