7 Questions Straight People Really Need To Stop Asking Lesbians
Since I came out as a lesbian 11 years ago, I've been asked some of the most bizarre questions from straight people.
While it may not seem crazy to them that they are asking or saying these things to lesbians, it can be uncomfortable and sometimes straight-up disrespectful.
I know most lesbians out there can relate to the horribly awkward moments when your straight friends ask questions like, “So how do you have sex?”
Here are a few examples of the responses I give to other people's bizarre questions:
1. Just because I'm attracted to women doesn’t mean I'm attracted to all women.
I cannot tell you how many times women (mostly straight women) have asked me if I would date them or if I'm attracted to them.
When I respond kindly with something like, “Although I think you're amazing, you just aren’t my type,” suddenly I’m the asshole who doesn’t want to sleep with her friends.
Are straight women attracted to every man they see? Doubtful.
So, assuming lesbians want every woman they come into contact with is just stupid.
2. Me coming out as gay is not an advertisement to have a threesome with you and your boyfriend.
When I first came out, not one, but two women I knew personally asked me if I would be interested in having a threesome with them and their boyfriends.
While I have nothing against people doing whatever makes them happy in the bedroom, my coming out experience was not simply to take on the responsibility of the third wheel in your sexual encounters.
No. Thank. You.
3. It is possible for lesbians to be friends with other lesbians on a completely platonic level.
Why does everyone think lesbians just want to f*ck every woman they see?
I recently had a straight friend ask me if my wife gets jealous because I am such good friends with other lesbians.
While I stared blankly at the floor trying to think of how to explain it in a way she would understand, I asked her if she had any male friends she hangs out with.
And if so, did her boyfriend get jealous?
She said yes, she has male friends, and no, he doesn’t get jealous because he trusts her.
My response: Same.
We aren't that different, people.
4. Just because I'm a lesbian doesn’t mean I'm a man-hater.
OK look, I can understand why straight people might get the impression that lesbians hate men, but in most cases, that is simply not true.
Most of us are feminists at heart, which means we ultimately want equality between the sexes, and we're not afraid to stand up to men or those who support only the male species.
We are unafraid to say we want more.
Yes, we want equal pay.
Yes, we want to be given the same opportunities as men.
Yes, we're willing to say or do whatever it takes to make that happen.
But, that doesn't mean we hate men. We are simply standing up for what we believe is fair.
5. No, I'm not straight now because I'm wearing a dress.
Being a femme lesbian means you will often find me in a dress, heels and makeup, all while carrying a purse.
Although when I first came out, I thought "looking gay" was the only way to actually be gay, I came to terms with the fact I feel much better in tight jeans than cargo shorts.
I haven’t looked back since.
I recently came out to a straight co-worker, and she was shocked
“Wow, you don’t look gay.”
This is not what your response should be, folks.
6. We share household duties equally.
“How do you know who is responsible for which household duty?” is one the most annoying questions someone has ever asked me.
Not only does it sound very ignorant, but it is also dripping with heteronormativity.
Quite frankly, it’s insulting.
We split the chores equally around the house based on who prefers to do what, and that’s it.
Things need to get done, and we work as a team to make that happen.
7. Using a strap-on does not mean we crave the real thing.
I had someone ask me, “If you use a strap-on, why don’t you just go be with a guy?”
I thought my head was going to f*cking explode.
First of all, being a lesbian is much more than just being attracted to the anatomy of a women.
Secondly, keeping things spiced up in the bedroom is not only something all couples should do whether they are gay, straight or bisexual, but it is also none of anyone’s business.
Asking this question is very, very f*cking inappropriate.