Why Seeking Validation From Others Will Only Harm Your Self-Worth

by Kevin Tuazon

There are way too many opinions and too many voices in this world. However, have you ever considered that you don’t have to pay mind to everything?

Silence can be a gift, and you need wisdom to know when it is necessary. Sometimes, we have to let go of everything we hear and go on with our lives, not caring about what other people might think about us.

Ultimately, your opinion of yourself is the only thing that should be able to make or break your day, your mood, your drive, your image and your life. How you see yourself will determine your limit and how much you get out of life.

When I was a teenager, I harbored much insecurity. I handled it by being a wallflower, hiding behind the shadows of strong, opinionated people.

I was never one who raised his hand to answer or volunteer for activities, or even approach a stranger to make friends. Back then, putting gel in my hair or wearing brand new shoes felt like challenges; I was afraid of what people would think of me.

In my mind, I imagined everyone laughing about how stupid my hair looked or how bad my taste was. With every decision I made, I felt afraid of what everyone else would think.

Not anymore, however. Yes, I still have insecurities, but I no longer allow them to dictate the person I am or what I can and can’t do. The difference now is that I know how to handle my insecurities. I view them as challenges to be better myself because I believe we can all get better if we choose to do so.

Why do we care about other people’s opinions, anyway? Granted, it’s human nature to be self-conscious, but letting others’ opinions of you dictate the person you should be is pathetic. It traps you in a square that only leads to desperation — and nothing else.

We all want to be liked, but changing who you are just to be liked means you’re not actually liked for who you are.

I dare say that most people in their 20s have a high tendency to be people pleasers, especially given how important social media is. An officemate of mine said, the amount of Facebook likes you get reflects how good of a person you believe yourself to be, as people won’t like your posts if they don’t like you.

Another friend told me that when she posts something and gets only a few likes, she deletes it.

I, on the other hand, never cared about likes — until my friends told me I should care. Getting likes began to make me feel paranoid. So, I decided to put on a show to keep up appearances through social media.

Thankfully, I got over the fuss of keeping up appearances and sharing every single detail of my day on social media because it was annoying and, most of the time, it was pointless.

I stopped trying to please people when I realized that I don’t need to please anyone. The people who love me don’t need me to keep up appearances; they just genuinely appreciate who I am and my company.

The secret is to make sure that the friendships you build are genuine, not forced. Don’t ever try to change aspects of whom you are just to fit in to a group. Instead, let your true colors show. The people who will love the real you are the people with whom you should be friends. Life’s too short to try to make everyone like you.

Stop seeking validation from others. We are all different people who have different tastes, different ideals, different perspectives and different opinions. Just accept that some people are bound to dislike you, and it’s nobody’s fault.

It’s difficult to build genuine friendships, a full life and a healthy self-image if you’re always trying to please everybody. Don’t you think you deserve to be who you really are? It’s time you stop seeking validation from others and start feeling worthy, just as you are.

Self-worth is about believing you are beautiful, no matter how you look, and believing in your capabilities during triumphs and defeats. It's about feeling good about who you are, regardless of what others might think.

It's being happy, without needing external validation. It's about loving yourself through life’s highs and lows.

There’s only one “you” in this world, so don’t conceal or fake that. Let the world see the real you because you’re worthy. Embrace yourself and celebrate who you are.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It