The Side Effects of Having Parents Who Loved the Sh*t Out of You
There is a small group of us who have parents who didn’t just normal love us… they loved us hard.
I’m talking squeezed us until we couldn’t breathe, cried when we left home the first time (and every time after that), never hung up the phone without a deep heartfelt “I love you” kind of love.
Simply put, our parents loved the sh*t out of us. We were the lights of their lives, and they never let us forget that.
Growing up with this sort of love obviously does a number on us psychologically. Every one of its side effects is a sort of double-edged sword teetering between immense satisfaction and total disappointment.
You are extremely confident.
Pro: You never let the haters bring you down.
You know you rock. Your mom knows you rock, and your dad knows you rock. That’s all you need. F*ck the haters.
Con: You’ve got a big ego.
Your belief in yourself is refreshing and magnetic, but it can also turn you into a bit of a douche. As much as I refuse to believe it, I need to accept that there are bigger ballers out there than myself.
You have high expectations for everyone in your life.
Pro: It’s great when you find people who meet your standards.
When you find people who actually do live up to the idealistic model of love created for you by your parents, the friendships are deeply rooted and usually lifelong.
Con: People constantly disappoint you.
Even if you are willing to show up at your friend’s front door at four in the morning because she was feeling down, she may not be willing to do the same when the situation is reversed.
Although this may not be a reflection of her lack of love for you, it can feel that way.
You have an unreachably high bar when it comes to romantic relationships.
Pro: You will never settle.
You will never be that middle-aged woman trapped in a loveless marriage. If you settle down with someone, this person is going to truly be the best, most wonderful human being you have ever come across.
Con: Heartbreak is pretty inevitable.
You already have high expectations for every other random person you come across in life, and this is supposed to be the person who is supposed to love you MOST… needless to say, disappointment is pretty unavoidable.
You always see yourself as their baby (no matter how old you are).
Pro: You are optimistic.
Like a kid, you believe the best in everyone and everything. You breeze through life with the genuine belief that everything is going to be okay.
Con: You expect the world to take care of you.
As a result of your unwavering optimism, you’re more willing to make naive, sometimes reckless, decisions.
No matter how many times you fall, you find yourself constantly expecting someone to be there to catch you.
You see the world through your parents’ lenses.
Pro: Most of the time, they’re right.
If my parents think someone is a bad human being, odds are it’s because that person is a bad human being.
Con: You have trouble developing opinions that are entirely your own.
I know what my parents would think of people within five minutes of meeting him, and I often find myself basing my own impressions on this knowledge.
The fact of the matter is that that guy very well might be a bad person, but I should be judging his character based on my own criteria, not theirs.
You look for your parents in potential partners.
Pro: If you do manage to find a guy kind of like your dad, odds are he’ll rock.
If your dad is anything like my dad (and for the purposes of this article we are going to go ahead and pretend he is), he absolutely rocks. Finding a guy who loves you even half as much as he does is a total score.
Con: You feel like a total creep.
When you suddenly realize the guy you’ve been making sweet, sweet love to who is essentially a 20-something version of your own father, there is an unavoidable desire to run into a dark lonely cave and never come back out.
You never feel alone.
Pro: You always feel supported.
No matter how tough the going gets, you can always rest assured that you have those two on your side. Worst-case scenario, you go home, and they’ll be there to welcome you back with open arms.
Con: You have a hard time becoming independent.
Honestly, I am hard pressed to think of a time I felt like I really had to handle a situation completely on my own.
I always had those two there to help me and, as a result, I’m not sure I would ever be even remotely capable of handling something completely on my own.
You genuinely believe you can do anything.
Pro: You shoot for the moon.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be the lead singer of an all-girl rock band, AND a kindergarten teacher AND a mom of five children.
What did my parents say to my absolutely ridiculous dreams? They smiled and told me if I worked hard enough, I could absolutely do it.
My hopes and dreams have obviously changed since I was seven, but I never stopped believing I really can do anything I set my mind on.
Con: There are some things you can’t do no matter how hard you try.
Sometimes there are dreams that just will never turn into reality.
No matter how badly I wanted to be the lead singer of an all-girl rock band, the fact of the matter was that I was, am and always will be tone deaf. I should never be welcome to sing anywhere outside of my own shower.
You love the sh*t out of everyone you’re close to.
Pro: Your loved ones never have to question how you feel about them.
When you love someone, you go balls to the wall.
You are there for them 110 percent, through thick and thin, and you don’t let them go a day without reminding them how much you care.
Con: “I love you” slips off the tip of your tongue a little too easily.
You love so many people SO much that you've been known to fall victim to a classic “I love you” slip.
Just the other day, I accidentally told the Domino’s delivery guy I loved him before I hung up.