When you get into a new relationship, the phrase "I love you" often exists as a giant elephant in the room -- you never know when you or your partner is going to say it, if either of you does at all, but it lingers in the sexually charged, butterflies-in-your-stomach atmosphere as a massive milestone that you should probably reach soon if you want your relationship to have any chance at survival.
Once you've realized you feel it, and you really do want to say it, preparing for that moment is a heart-pounding, sweat-inducing endeavor during which you pray to God that your boyfriend or girlfriend says it back so you don't feel like the biggest assh*le alive.
But what happens when your feelings work faster than your mouth and you blurt it out accidentally?
We've all been there. Maybe you were enchanted by an amazing blowjob. Maybe you were drunk off of your ass or maybe you were in the middle of a conversation about “Family Guy” with your crush, and you meant to say "I love Peter Griffin!" but "I love [your crush's name]!" came out instead (that last one is a true story that happened to me) -- something sparked you to utter those three magical words, regardless of whether or not they were actually true.
And now, it's too late. You can't take them back.
Here are the embarrassing stories of several men and women who uttered "I love you" way, way too early.
The bathroom break excuse works every time.
I had just started seeing this guy, and we were hooking up for the first time, both of us drunk. Things were getting hot and heavy, and in between kisses, I said, ‘I like you so much,’ to which he responded, ‘Same, I love you.’ We both stopped dead in our tracks. He let out a little giggle and was like, ‘You know what I mean, not love, I mean, I love things about you, I don't…’ Before he could talk himself deeper into a hole, I excused myself into the bathroom, crawled back into bed and said, ‘We should probably just go to bed.’ We never talked about it again.
Nothing makes two people fall in love quite like subpar sex.
I said it once on a first date with a guy whose name I can’t even remember. I was fully sober, too, if that matters. We were in bed, semi-cuddling after some subpar sex, and I blurted it out randomly (I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three years a couple of weeks ago, so maybe it was a reflex to say ‘I love you’ after sex?). He replied, ‘Isn’t it a bit early for that?’ We had a couple of dates after that, but I stopped seeing him because the sex was so bad -- and because he started saying ‘I love you, too,’ even though I never said it to him again. Awkward.
This reaction is worse than not saying it back.
[My ex-boyfriend] was really drunk one night after a month of us dating, and he texted me that he loved me. Like, out of nowhere. The next day, I showed it to him, and he didn't remember, and I threatened to break up with him and cried.
This couple just wasn't meant to be.
With my wonderful foreign ex -- God bless him -- really early in our relationship, I was riding him (always a good start to a story), and he goes, ‘Gina I love you...’ I legitimately FROZE on his dick and start to say his name in total shock. And he goes, ‘No, no, I'm sorry! I was going to finish with “riding my cock”’ -- but, you know, foreign men can't think of the words they want in English right away. I said to him, ‘Thank God, I know I'm great in bed, but we've been dating two months.’ He agreed, and we laughed. Ironically, when I did tell him I loved him for the first time six months in, I blurted it out while making out with him. He was not ready to say it back. Womp Womp.
What a Cool Girl.
I once told a girl in college that I loved her and wanted to marry her after she beat my friends and I in Mario Kart.
The concussion made her do it.
Back when I was like 17, I was in a new relationship with someone I worked with at an ice cream shop. After work, we went to a local park on the water. He was obsessed with ‘Twilight' at the time (I should have known that things wouldn't work out), and he thought it would be fun to pick me up and run really fast like Edward did with Bella. After like five steps, he started falling to the cement and dropped me straight on my head. I laughed it off and tried to act cool, when actually I thought I had a concussion. He went to drop me off at home afterward and I awkwardly blurted out ‘I love you!’ He was nice enough to say it back. I knew for sure then that I had a concussion. We're no longer together.
If you can make a woman orgasm, she'll definitely say it.
I thought I was working with a one-night stand, until I got a late-night text from this girl. She comes over, and we play around a bit. Right as she's... well, finishing, she blurts out, ‘I love you... er, I love your dick.’ “I had no idea what to say. There are definitely less awkward situations to be in, like watching sex scenes with parents or literally anything else.
At least they found the humor in it.
I woke up from a blackout one Saturday morning to find out I had hooked up with a guy who lived across the street from me. He was a pretty huge man-whore, so it was already pretty upsetting news in and of itself. I spent the majority of my day wallowing in my hangover and trying to forget the fact that I had just become Eskimo sisters with about 97 percent of the females on campus (if I don't remember, it never happened, right?!!?!?). By the evening, I was pretty over the whole thing and ready to go out...until one of my friends, whose boyfriend lived with said man-whore, came over. She told me I might want to sit down for this. Panic ensued as I wondered what STD she was going to tell me I had contracted the night before (chlamydia was going around our school at the time). She broke the news: ‘You told him you loved him last night.’ So apparently I had avoided any chance of STD contraction by looking him, a guy I had probably spoken to a total of three times in passing, in the eyes and saying, ‘I love you.’ He got creeped out and left. Needless to say, I was mortified as I wondered what could have been worse -- contracting an STD or telling the biggest douche on campus I love him. Chlamydia can be cured with a pill. There was no pill for my humiliation. Again, I managed to get over the humiliation and muster up the courage to go out. I got to the party to be immediately greeted by one of my good friends (who lives with the guy). He asked if we could talk in private. I said yeah of course, and he looked me in the eyes and said, ‘I just wanted to say...I love you.' I initially thought he really was just professing his love to me... until all 10 of their housemates pulled me aside, one by one, to profess their ‘love’ for me. That was halfway through my junior year, and even by graduation week senior year, I'm hard-pressed to remember a time I walked by their house without at least three guys screaming ‘I LOOOOVE YOU.’ I still wish I had just gotten chlamydia.
This is just bad all around.
Accidentally said, ‘I love you’ to a guy I dated for a month in high school while he was breaking up with me. He dumped me anyway.
"Like" is the new love.
We were at [my boyfriend's] brother's house really drunk one night, and we were fooling around, and he blurted out ‘I love you.’ It was before we were officially dating; we had been talking for like two months but never even had a conversation about our relationship or anything. I completely froze and panicked, so he froze and panicked and then proceeded to correct himself by saying, ‘I uh.....really like you.’ We've been dating for about four months now, and we just started saying ‘I love you,’ and we have yet to ever talk about that night.
Artists don't know sh*t about love.
This one time, in the beginning of FB messaging era, this upperclassmen from my high school messaged me and was like, ‘Hey, you're really nice, we should hang out.’ So we did. His parents were gone for the weekend, so I forced my friend to come along with me so that she could hook up with his friend (and so I could have a scapegoat if necessary). I was kind of into him because he was REALLY into me and this was my first experience hooking up with an ‘artist.’ The first night we were there, we got so wasted and of course I ended up making out with this kid in his bed, which was so weird because I think he thought my mouth was my vagina. In the morning, I woke up, and he was still trying to get me to give him a hand job, and I refused because of my how turned-off I was by his making out and my natural purity. I genuinely believe the more I denied him, the more turned-on he got, and at one point, he turned to me and said, ‘I think I'm in love with you.’ And I said, ‘I don't think you know what love is.’ That was my cue to leave. I hung out with him once, and that was all it took.
Three days is plenty of time to know he's the one.
The first time I ever Skyped my boyfriend at the time, I said ‘Bye, I love you.’ And awkwardly hung up and hope he hadn't heard, but he did. We had been dating three days.
The best way to solve problems is to run from them.
I was dating my boyfriend for maybe a month. We weren't close at all before that, so it's not even like I can say we were really good friends or anything. I was leaving his place to go to class, and he walked me to his door, and I kissed him goodbye and out popped, ‘I love you.’ He didn't say anything back or really have any kind of reaction, and so I rannnnnnnn, like literally ran out of his house and to class. I thought/hoped he didn't hear me and tried to play it cool, until the next day when he was like, ‘So, did I hear correctly?’ He handled it really, really well, even though he didn't feel the same way about me at the time.
Dad and boyfriend = classic mix up.
When [my boyfriend] and I first started dating, we would talk on the phone a lot. One day, when I was saying goodbye, I accidentally said, ‘I love you,’ just out of habit, like I would say to my parents at the end of a phone call. There was an awkward silence, and I immediately started apologizing profusely. It was so bad.
Drunk words are sober hearts.
After a few weeks of ‘talking’ with this guy from class, we went out with our mutual friends to a college bar and got college drunk. While our friends began to tease me for pity-pretending to like the guy, I blurted out, ‘No! Obviously I love...’ -- I then cut myself off by covering my dropped jaw with my hand. Everyone started laughing, and he teased me about it for the rest of the night. I ended up saying it sober a few weeks later, and now, we've been together for almost three years, so it's safe to say the drunk feels are real.
It's only a matter of time before repulsion turns to love.
So it was Halloween, and he was dressed as a troll doll for the party we went to with his classmates. I actually found it to be a repulsive costume (there was a nude bodysuit involved), but we had been dating for a few months already so I had to roll with it. Everyone at the party was wasted, including me, so naturally, I got irrationally angry when I saw him chatting with a group of blonde Ninja Turtles. I cornered him, but my remark of ‘What are you doing over there with those Ninja Turtles?’ was too hilarious in our drunken state that we just started laughing. Then he said, in a very calm, cool, collected manner, ‘You’re hilarious. I love you,’ and continued laughing. I started laughing nervously and convinced myself he said it accidentally. I actually said ‘Thanks!’ and awkwardly hugged him. He didn’t say it again for two months, and I preferred it that time because he wasn’t dressed as a troll doll. We’ve been dating for a billion years.