9 Signs You've Fallen Victim To The Senioritis Epidemic

by Matt Lauer

It is the last week of my last semester in my final year of college.

Here’s how I’m passing my time: I am not writing my 10-page paper that’s due tomorrow. I am also not studying for my test next week. I haven't even thought about my group project due in the coming days.

No, I am actually just writing this article on "senioritis." If that is not ironic enough, I subliminally felt that contributing to others’ procrastination would somehow be “more effective” than procrastinating myself.

So, not only am I procrastinating by writing this, but I am also helping you procrastinate by enticing you to read it.

There are multiple definitions of senioritis, ranging from legitimate sources, like Merriam-Webster Dictionary, to not-so-legitimate-according-to-school-but-we-do-not-care sources, like Wikipedia. Although, my personal favorite source is probably Urban Dictionary’s definition of senioritis:

“noun. A crippling disease that strikes seniors. Symptoms include: laziness, an over-excessive wearing of track pants, old athletic shirts, sweatpants, athletic shorts, and sweatshirts.

Also features a lack of studying, repeated absences, and a generally dismissive attitude. The only known cure is a phenomenon known as Graduation.

'Why didn't study for your math test Kuhns?'

'Oh, who studies for a math test anyways. I got senioritis.'”

Yes, senioritis is actually a thing. So, whether you have just spent a year dealing with it or are bound to suffer from it eventually, you have been warned. Below are nine common symptoms that someone suffering from this “crippling disease” may display:

1. The rate of your class absences has increased considerably.

You quickly learned your biggest mistake of your freshman year was signing up for morning classes. Those were probably the only classes you missed if you were an okay student.

In your senior year, sleep takes priority over your 1 pm classes, 2:30 pm classes and near the end of the year, even your 4 pm classes.

2. The amount of f*cks given is steadily decreasing.

You probably don't see sweatpants on campus until midterms hit unless you are a senior, in which case you do not and will not give a single f*ck or both.

3. The effort you put into things you “haven’t done yet” is far greater than the effort you put into “school work.”

Brewery tours? Bar hopping? Throwing a kegger? These are all examples of things that take priority over school work for a senioritis victim.

4. When you have to exert any effort in said “school work," you push it to the absolute last minute.

You want to go out tonight, but you have a midterm tomorrow. What will you do? If you get to your senior year without failing out, the answer will always be, "YOSO," You Only Senior Once.

5. You have now established a use for alcohol other than binge drinking, like enjoying a glass of wine.

Past the age of 20, young adults fall victim to a temporary illness after a night of drinking excessively. They call this the "hangover." Hangovers get progressively worse as you age.

So, at the fragile age of 22, many seniors "settle for a buzz" or "enjoy their alcohol" instead of downing that bottle and passing out like freshman.



6. However, your consumption of these and other substances has significantly increased in frequency as opposed to quantity…

This is how alcoholics come to be. They start off as freshman binge-drinkers, then they "casually" drink with their significant others or friends. Finally, they become full-blown alcoholics, drinking in the bathroom at work.

7. You are incapable of accepting the fact that you are in your final year of school; when people mention it, you act like you do not understand what they are trying to say.

Going home for Christmas is the worst: "So, do you have a job yet?" "What are your plans for next year?" "Where are you going to work?" "Are you excited to pay off your loan?" I DON'T KNOW! STOP YELLING AT ME!

8. As a result, you are less motivated to look for a job. You'll do it tomorrow, right?

9. By the end of the semester, you have no more f*cks to give.

Once your body realizes this, it will go through a process called "f*ckatonin reuptake" (yeah, I'm coining this term). Much like a hangover, "f*ckatonin reuptake" is painful. However, this process will allow you to continue to give more f*cks during the rest of your life.

Eventually, you will learn that you will never be able give as few f*cks as you did during your senior year. You will resent not appreciating the simple joy of "not giving a f*ck" when you could afford to do so.

I am no doctor, but it is probably safe to say that if you suffer from five or more of the above symptoms, you probably have senioritis. See you in the workforce! Cheers!

Photo via NBC