6 Ridiculous Ways Every Stoner Tried To Smoke Weed As A Teenager

by Jennifer Landis
Comedy Central

While it's been almost a decade since I partook in the “puff, puff, pass” pastime, I do still certainly have an opinion on the green stuff, and I sure have some great memories.

I grew up in a small, backwoods town in New Jersey, so, yes. I smoked weed. What else were we supposed to do with our free time? Always the cautious one, I didn't necessarily love the effects it had on me (I was crazy paranoid and just wanted to eat disco fries), but I didn't want to be THAT girl.

You know the one I'm talking about. The one in the group who “just says no."  I wanted to fit in, so I was part of the 65 percent of teens who used drugs to feel cool. No big deal, right? Well, that depends on how you feel about pot.

While it's still a controversial topic, I have no bones to pick about weed. It's natural. It comes from the earth, not a lab. And I quite look forward to see what the future holds on the topic of legalization.

Every April, I'm reminded of my glory days (thanks to 420 and Earth Day) and the ridiculous ways we managed to smoke in high school. Here are six of them:

1. An apple a day.

I remember my boyfriend making an apple pipe my senior year at a bonfire while my girlfriends and I sipped peach schnapps from a flask like the badasses (or not) we were. This method was easy and accessible.

He used a pen to jab a hole into the side, about halfway through. Then he pulled off the stem and made another hole through the top, stopping when it met the first hole. Fin. Bonus points fo the snack we had when we were done. #Munchies.

2. Hot potato.

The potato worked pretty much like the apple, minus the delicious apple-ness of it all. Also, potatoes are biodegradable, so this made Mother Nature happy.

3. The true meaning of baked.

After high school graduation, I remember my friends got way more creative with their smoking antics. I also recall using weed less because college was a whole lot harder than high school. We concocted pot brownies.

The high from brownies kind of snuck up on me, but eventually I got a pleasant buzz. We even took them to football games and no one could even tell. Or maybe everyone knew ... Like I said, I was always crazy paranoid when high.

The brownies tasted a little odd, but hey, it's not like we were ruining Ghirardelli chocolate. We were college students, remember? We bought the cheapest brand stores had to offer.

4. Just my cup of tea.

One very civilized way we consumed pot was in green tea. My BFF and I thought we were brilliant for this one. Mind you, this was back when everyone and their brother carried around giant jugs of Arizona Green Tea, so it was totally inconspicuous.

We made a little weed sachet, brewed it like tea and added it straight into the can. Genius.

5. Hot enough for you?

As I look back at it, hot-boxing was insane. It was fun at the time, but still insane. It's like, “Hey, friends! Let's see how low we can drop the oxygen level in this sealed-off area!”

We'd go into a small place that could close up pretty tightly, aka a car. Then we'd light up and inhale. We often did this in a parking lot after work, where we had quick access to food at the Subway next door. We never worried about getting caught by co-workers because I'm pretty sure they there were high, too.

6. That's a bong? That can't be a bong.

OK, this method I didn't use, but I swear I saw it. Some of my friends were nuts. Do you know you can get a bong shaped like a penis? That's a true blowjob, right there.

And asinine bongs aren't limited to male genitalia. You can also get gizmos that look like lady parts. See? Smoking has something for everyone. Sexuality is a spectrum, and so, apparently, are bongs.