11 Things All Recent Grads Are Really Jealous Of Current Seniors For

by Alexia LaFata
Columbia Pictures

Right now, thousands of recent college graduates are taking the giant leap into real adulthood. We're working, traveling, volunteering, going to graduate school or, if we're unlucky, unemployed.

Our social media channels, once covered with group pictures at tailgates and bathroom selfies in frat houses, are nearly empty, save for a few cheesy viral videos shared by our parents.

When we graduated, we left behind thousands of underclassmen who couldn’t wait to take our place.

Freshmen have become sophomores, sophomores have become juniors, and, most importantly to us, juniors have become seniors, filling the role that we loudly and proudly and boisterously filled for nine whole months.

Sometimes, in the throes of post-grad loneliness, we can't help but think about how those current seniors are keeping the nest warm.

How they're living in our old apartments, buying booze from our liquor stores and cheering at our tailgates. How they're attending our favorite classes, befriending our beloved professors and stumbling down our off-campus streets.

We hate them. But we also want to be them.

Here are all the things we're jealous of current seniors for.

1. They know everyone and everything

College seniors spend three long years learning all they can about everyone and everything. They learn which frats to avoid, which professors suck and which are easy graders and the exact path they need to take to get to class in under 10 minutes.

They learn the names of the most eligible people in their grade, which dining hall has the best mac and cheese and the least busy university counselor to go to if they're stressed out.

This familiarity doesn't exist for us in the scary post-grad land. We can't just walk across a safe, enclosed space and know we'll run into five people we know. We need Google maps to navigate cities more complex than Mordor and pray we don't run into any hobos.

2. There's always something to look forward to

Commemorative dances, a fun party they don't have to walk that far to get to, graduation, a shiny new job -- the possibilities for what comes next when you're young and in college are endless.

Now that we've graduated, we have to make our own future. We have to actually create things to look forward to because they don't just happen upon us in the form of a Facebook invite or an end-of-the-year ceremony anymore. It's hard.

3. Alcoholism is encouraged, not grounds for rehab

If college seniors get drunk four or five nights a week, they're just living it up. YOLOing, or something. Doing what college kids do. Making the most of the year. In college, peers encourage binge drinking.

But if we get drunk four or five nights a week, it's kind of sad. And our loved ones would probably tell us to get help if the habit continued for too long (for exactly how long, we're not sure -- I think we're all still trying to figure that out).

4. They only have to wake up for a 9 am class once a week, if that

We have a 9 am class every day that lasts for eight hours.

5. All of their friends live within one minute of them

Everyone who matters to a college senior (minus their parents and maybe some random high school friends) live within a three-mile radius, sometimes even within a three-foot radius.

Planning a party or a hangout with all of their friends, acquaintances and even occasional classmates takes virtually no energy.

Having a social life with the people you care about gets way harder after graduation. We have to actually pick a time and date in our calendar that works for everyone and revolve our whole week around the plan. It's exhausting and weird.

6. They kind of, sort of, know where all their sexual partners have been

College seniors always sort of have an idea of where their sexual partner has been.

This isn't to say they don't need to use a condom -- but there's a certain level of comfort that comes from knowing the guy or girl they're about to have sex with came of age at the same time and in the same environment as them. Also, if he has an STD, it's probably, like, HPV at worst.

But having sex as a post-grad is damn frightening. We have absolutely no clue where anybody has been. None. Zero. Yet we let them have sex with us anyway.

7. Nobody cares how they dress

Seniors can roll into class with greasy hair, sweatpants and a pajama shirt. We can't do the same for work, lest we want to be taken seriously.

8. Sh*tty bars are considered awesome

College seniors don't care what kind of bar they're in. They're just so pumped to be IN a bar, literally any bar, because it's a place where they can drink legally and out of glasses that aren't red cups.

Said bar could have dusty countertops and a bathroom sink that doesn't work and college seniors would be so excited to be there with their friends drinking bad drinks with names like “Green Monster.”

Now that we make our own money, though, we're a bit pickier of where we want to spend our time drinking. We'd like our countertops to at least be wiped and to be able to feel cleaner, not dirtier, when we walk out of the bathroom.

We'd also like a beer that costs more than $3 and doesn't taste like piss.

Such standards we've developed. Life was so much easier and more fun when we had none.

9. It's hard to actually be ghosted

Yes, the hookup culture, or whatever we're all calling it, is alive and well in college, but actually being completely ghosted by somebody is hard.

College campuses are so small that a senior is bound to run into the girl who ignored his texts for a week in the dining hall, at a party or walking across the quad, at which point the girl's attempt to really, truly ghost failed.

Everyone is in everyone's business and living space, so you can't be an assh*le and fully get away with it in college.

You can, however, do that in post-grad life. You can ghost someone and actually never see that person ever again -- which means you can also be ghosted and never be seen again. It makes being a dick way easier.

10. Dinner is a card swipe away

The dining hall and a hot, fresh meal is a walk and a swipe of an ID card away for college seniors.

But if we get hungry, we have to either cook ourselves and have it end in disaster or order Seamless and wait 45 minutes for an order that will likely come messed up.

11. They don't have bills

No rent. No student loan payments. No insurance. No utilities. No student loan payments.

No student loan payments.