We all have that one maternal friend who knows when to get on your level and when to put you in your place.
And let's be real: You desperately need someone like that. Whether strutting into a job interview you're clearly unqualified for or performing a field sobriety test for a police officer who (rightfully) questions your decision to ride a stolen horse down a major roadway, you're so confident it can distract from the fact that you're also a psycho.
But your mom friend knows the Truth. She understands that you're unhinged, and she's in it to win it.
Plus, try as she might, there's no escaping your corrosive influence once you've set your twisted little mind to something. It's like that scene in “Titanic” where Jack courageously lets go of Rose's outstretched hand and drifts toward his certain doom in the icy Atlantic — except the complete opposite because you're pulling her off the raft and dragging her to the bottom of the ocean with you.
Your mom friend understands that when it comes to you, resistance is futile. And she's wise enough to know that sometimes you can't beat 'em, so you might as well join 'em.
For these five reasons and countless more, we will always be thankful for the mom of our friend group.
She sets you up for success.
Your natural inclination is to shirk all responsibilities. But your mom friend won't let you off the hook that easy, little lady.
Your mom friend will inevitably tell you to skip the house party and study for your test. In her own cloying way, she'll even try to make it fun: She's like your personal Mary Poppins, injecting whimsy and wonder into something as rote as organic chemistry.
Mom friends especially love helping out with anything job-related. So, whether you need to work on your resume or prepare for an interview, you can count on her to insure you are properly coached and on time.
She's also the one who's popping bottles when you get everything done. So, there's that, too.
She helps you become more cultured.
For you, the keys to a classy evening are as follows:
Step one: Order pizza from that place that includes moist toilettes and little containers of red pepper flakes with your order. Step two: Splurge on the more expensive boxed wine you've been eying for the past month.
Your mom friend, however, sees things a little differently.
She's been around the block (in a good way) and is familiar with different cultures, countries and languages. She also likes the finer things in life, which means she won't settle for a pizza place with a questionable health department rating just because it's conveniently located. (Even if the joke's on her because A) their pizza is INCRED, and B) they've lowered their prices since the city shut them down last summer.)
Regardless of your differing tastes in food, you and your friends are 100 percent in agreement on this: Your mom friend is classy AF.
She tries her best to be the parental figure you so desperately need.
My sweet, sweet mom friend, how I admire your tenacity.
No one needs to explain to you that, at least for the time being, I'm definitely a lost cause. You know it firsthand. You've dragged me out of bars, into cabs and onto my bed.
Remember that time you literally brushed my teeth for me because they were so stained from the red wine I had drunk? (I don't, but I've seen the photographic evidence.) Though I looked remarkably like a rabid animal that night — and, according to multiple sources, acted like one — when I awoke the next morning my breath smelled like peppermint and my teeth sparkled like a glistening star.
All thanks to your grit, girl.
She's there for you when you need it most.
No matter what kind of trouble you get yourself into, you can rely on your mom friend.
Is your mom friend burying her head in the sand when times get tough? ABSOLUTELY NOT. She always has an inordinate number of contingency plans at the ready, regardless of whatever mischief you find yourselves in.
Hypothetically, she's the one phone call you'd make after getting arrested. Unless, of course, she was right there with you getting into trouble — in which case you know the girl's already plotting your dramatic escape.
She calls you out.
When you've taken things too far, your mom friend will let you know.
Though the rest of the world might be wary of your (occasionally) tempestuous nature, your mom friend isn't afraid to get real with you. When you've messed up or done something, um, unsavory, your mom friend won't hold back: She'll tell you how she — and the world — really feels.
But that doesn't mean she's some sort of nagging disciplinarian. Au contraire! She expects the best from you because she knows you've got what it takes to be a better person.
Every squad undeniably has a mom friend. She'll be there for you through thick and thin, no matter what trouble you get into. Catch Idiotsitter Thursdays at 10:30/9:30c on Comedy Central or anytime on the CC app.