Didaskaleinophobia: The fear of going to school. (Not that all your years in school will ever teach you how to spell it.)
They say the weekend is two days, but anyone who’s been to high school knows it’s really only one. Because Sunday is just a day you spend wishing tomorrow wouldn’t come.
It’s a day of sheer anxiety and panic, where the sound of the NFL’s halftime jingle becomes more of an alarm now associated with dread.
And if we're going into alarms here, let's talk about that awful, stomach dropping 6 am ring we all thought we'd one day grow out of.
I remember it well -- Those piercing pangs of terror squirming their way into my peaceful unconscious, nonchalantly walking into my dreams without any warning or consent, demanding that I wake up and walk through hell on earth.
Within a few hazy seconds or minutes you come into consciousness yet by the time you’ve opened your eyes you’re wishing it was time to close them again.
This fear, this all-consuming body wrangling terror that overcomes your once peaceful body isn’t rare.
It’s a fear that’s become ingrained in many of us, because we all know what an alarm means. It means getting up to do something you don’t always want to do. It means getting up and walking the shallow halls of high school.
If you've had these anxieties for school you may have had this phobia. If you felt severe anxiety, terror and depression before having to board that bus, you were wrestling with a type of social anxiety.
According to a study by Burke et al, 1.3% of teenagers aged 14-16 years and between 4.1 and 4.7% of children aged 7-11 years suffer from school phobia and that 5% of school-aged children are identified as 'school refusers.'
We all know we do crazy things when we're scared, so if you suffered from this phoboia, there's a good chance you pulled one too many of these:
The sound of your alarm clock still haunts you
Whenever that sound goes off, whether it be some asshole at work or your roommates, you break out into a cold sweat, similar to that of Lindsay Lohan in church.
Tried to unplug moms alarm
You went to such lengths you began to wonder if your true calling lied in con jobs and thievery. You had a knack for pulling tricks and schemes and to this day, there is nothing more impressive than your rap sheet..Unfortunately, one ever got to know about your victories...
Prayed to the snow gods- even if it was middle of July
Tornado, earth quake, power outage, wind storm. Whatever would destory enough of the town to commission a day off was worth it.
It didn’t matter if your house went without power for 5 days or your parents couldn’t get to work, the more destruction, the better.
Created scenarios in your mind
The school being wiped out in a fire, a terrorist attack on your school, a plague. You’d get jealous of schools that were closed for months due to hurricanes.
Consider calling in bomb threats
What’s a trip to juvenile hall…if they catch you. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about pulling that fire alarm at least once or writing a scary note to your principal.
Of course, you understood the repercussions were never worth the day off school especially considering your peers would be reaping most of the benefits.
If there’s one thing you can thank your school years for it's your acting career.
You deserve a f*cking Golden Globe for some of the stunts you pulled. Lamp on the forehead, mom's hairdryer, maybe even you went so far as some fake throw up sounds and a bottle of
Cut class like it was your job
Bathroom breaks were 20 minutes and homeroom was just a recommendation. Whether or not your teachers actually cared, you didn't.
You always had exactly the number of days sick allotted
Your real academic achievements should be in how well you could count and foresee risk. You took just enough sick days to allot for real ones and managed to get off with zero left over and zero. That deserves some merit.
School nurse knew you better than your teachers
You aren't sure if she was an idiot or took sympathy on you, but she played along with all your "stomach aches" and "headaches" that didn't have any other symptoms besides your word.
Spend a day in doctors office just to get out of school
To many this would seem like an plan that backfired, but even four hours in the doctors office was worth it. Okay, maybe not for your mom, but this isn't about her.
Spent Sundays buttering up your parents
You knew if you wanted your sick act to work it had to start Sunday night. That meant no dinner, queezy stomach, and a few "God, I don't know if I'm going to be able to pull through for school tomorrow" lines.
Tried to convince the school you were Jewish and Christian and Muslim
You needed every holiday off, even the obscure ones. Excuse you, but your family happens to be ethnically mixed and you deserve some respect. Yes, I know I'm white but that's because I'm adopted....
Parents never believed you when you said you had a free period
No, mom, I swear. This time I really do have first, second and third period free.
Dreamed of being an adult
Only to realize it’s the exact same sh*t