To add to the world's already wacky news cycle, a brand-new "study" is claiming that an overwhelming amount of fast food in your diet, combined with minimal sleep, has the potential to turn you gay.
But don't worry! According to this "study," adjusting your lifestyle choices will "prevent the return of homosexual attractions."
No, I'm not kidding.
Rita Strakosha, who appears to have an MPS in Clinical Psychology from Albanian University, self-published her work in support of homosexuality and its direct correlation to your eating habits.
In the study, titled Modern Diet and Stress cause Homosexuality: A hypothesis and a potential therapy, which hasn't been peer reviewed, Straskosha goes on to point fingers at the LGBTQ community and the imbalance in their diets.
She states that eating disorders, with a focus on an "increased rate of obesity," are prominent among homosexuals.
“Gay men, lesbian and bisexual women report a higher odds of sugar-sweetened beverage consumption than straight men and women," Strakosha said. “Access to a high calorie diet and alcoholic drinks was limited to the social elite circles in the past. Homosexuality as well appears to have been more frequent among that group.”
Despite her alleging that things like fats and sugars can alter your sexuality, she says there are strategies to implement that'll help you "stay straight."
PHEW! I WAS WORRIED!
“Steer clear of food that can be disruptive right before sleep, like heavy or rich foods, fatty or fried meals, spicy dishes, citrus fruits and carbonated drinks," Strakosha said.
And in case you're a member of the LGBTQ community looking to escape that lifestyle, fear not. Strakosha chalks up "sexual hibernation" as a solution to those looking to get back on the straight path.
“Upon re-wakening of sexual interest, the response to the previous sexual stimuli will not restart at once and at the same level as previously," Strakosha says.
Time would be needed to achieve the same level as before hibernation. Discontinuation of hibernation would be an opportune time for sexual orientation change.
She also suggests dealing with your “interpersonal conflicts and other sources of emotional stress through different therapies, including cognitive and behavioral therapy" despite the unethical nature behind certain practices, like conversion therapy.
Her "research" continues by referencing the Kinsey Scale, stating that your sexual orientation will lean in the direction of heterosexual the more you reward yourself for doing "straight" things instead of "gay" things.
But, lo and behold, Strakosha doesn't think "sexual hibernation" will work for everyone. What a pity.
“Persons with a longer history of homosexual attractions and those with stronger prenatal or genetic factors would have more difficulty in achieving benefits from this therapy.”
Did I mention that none of this work has been peer reviewed?
Let's just set something straight here. Taco Bell won't leave you craving penis if you're a dude. It'll just put you in search of a toilet.
Anyway, if you're feeling conflicted, go download some Lady Gaga quickly because, despite what this "study" says, you can't turn gay. Baby, we're just born this way.